MISS M

climb up the stairs

2009-04-08T10:41:00.002+08:00

had our weekly movie-marathon excerise last friday,
watched Shinjuku incident which was pretty good
and kept me tense throughout the movie.
followed by 12 rounds;
another thriller keeping me tensed up.
only after the movies' over
did i start relaxing.

next,
we went drinking @ liquid gold at parklane,
and B got thrashed by me in hei-bai-pei,
HAHA!
but well, he can drink better than me in any ways,
i just get the thrill of beating him in the game.
and dont think of asking me to play 5-10 with you.
NO WAY!

we spent the whole saturday slacking in his room;
and finally got out of the house to have our late night dinner at Uno Beef House.
did i forgot to mention i starved him the whole day
while i had mushroom soup for supper the previous night
& maggie mee in the afternoon ?
HAHA

meeting larling for dinner tonight!

anyways,
B piggy-backed me up my house
and mind you!
i live on the 10th floor.
So B, had a VERY GOOD excercise yesterday.
HEE!

carry me on your back all your life and never let me fall.

1 week of no updates

2009-04-03T09:54:00.003+08:00

haven't update for a week?

- had a mini small gathering
with jolynn, joanna, xinyi & charlene, my dumb dumb sis, chel & chua
at new york new york last monday.

- got back my BA's class test results & i got 26 out of 30.
it means i only need 24 marks for my exam to pass this module. HAHA =D

- had a very good weekend with B.
he brought me to Shokudo Japanese Food Bazaar @ Raffles City on saturday
& we had a very satisfying dinner. =D

-watched unborn last friday with B and it kinda sucks.

- had sakae sushi on sunday and settled another of my cravings.

- larleng went to phuket & she's back with vogue!
and she had club lime's fried rice that i want so much! never courier back!

- my dumb dumb sis went to macau/china/HK on monday & she 'borrowed' my boots & bag.

- went for the first yoga lesson of my life on wednesday & now my whole body's aching like shit.

- my E-commerce project got rejected by the stupidest lecturer i ever had. bloody hell!

- my exams are approaching AGAIN.

- i found a classmate who also didn't took her Law paper so i got company! HA

- jolynn's going to phuket with duck soon. When huh?

- i have been watching 射雕英雄传 2008 version.

- i'm gonna catch Shinjuku incident today and Fast & Furious 4 tomorrow.

- i also want to go holiday again.

- i want E71 Steel Red!

pretty much sums up what i can remember.

change phone to E71

2009-03-25T10:29:00.000+08:00

I want a E71 Steel Red.
=)

passed FIT

2009-03-25T09:43:00.002+08:00

class test yesterday for business accounting;
gosh!
only started studying yesterday.
LOL!
thank god 'cause after comparing answers;
i think i will get at least a 20 marks out of 30.
Hee

on a half-happy & half-unhappy note,
i got my results for my previous 2 modules last term;
i got a B for my Fundamentals of IT (though i didn't submit my assignment, amazing!)
got a F for my Business Law 'cause i totally skip that exam;
well,
kinda regret it alot now;
maybe with my "gong-jiao-wei" skill,
i would have passed
and i wont have to re-sit the exam on 23 May.
Damn!!!

-----------------
anyways,
my stress level went from super high to alright
after the test ended yesterday.
and B was so nice
to reward me with TCC for dinner
Mushroom soup;
Seafood Aglio Olio
& Oreo Milkshake.
*Yummy*

but i wanna complain that B's too realistic;
'cause he dont want to reward me for me getting a B for my FIT,
reason being we were not together yet when i took that paper.
what a pig!
HAHA

keeping quiet

2009-03-20T14:12:00.003+08:00

sometimes;
its probably best to keep quiet;
the best way to stay out of trouble;
knowing that explanation sometimes is redundant.

----------

movie marathon with B later;
Paul Blart : Mall Cop
&
Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li
=)

i hate cramps. grrrr!

boring day

2009-03-18T12:44:00.002+08:00

wells,
everybody's out for lunch either at the cafe or outside;
and since i can't find ppl to go lunch with me,
i decided to stay in and slack;
and wait for my lunch to be 'ta bao' back.

---------------------

probably start taking up yoga classes at B's place,
since i am always reading magazines or newspaper
while waiting for him to finish work.
good idea?
anybody interested in signing up for membership?
hee!

--------------------

just a while more,
hang on & everything will be fine.

office can view blog

2009-03-17T12:39:00.002+08:00

oh wells,
apparently,
i just realised that my office com can finally log in to blogger & my blog.
so i no longer have to blog on my miserable screen-not-very-big phone.
=)

stupid girl here fell down last night outside the office
while doing some packing for work,
ended up with bruises & an aching body.

-------------

lots of unhappy things have happened these few weeks;
just hope everything will be over and everyone is happy.

rasa & batam trip

2009-03-11T16:27:00.003+08:00

time to recap my trip

1st trip out of singapore with B;
just 3 weeks into our life together
to nearby island Batam.

a short yet memorable trip;
right B?

there wasn't much things to do over there
'cause the city center is like a 30 mins drive.
but i love their A&W Root Beer Float
& Zi Char.
CHEAP & NICE. =)
and i had Zi Char for dinner for 2 nights. HEE.

Oh yah!
we went to their hypermart with the initial goal to shop for tidbits;
ended up buying facial foams; toner; shaver; shampoo etc,
10 btls of Carlsberg (shall elaborate further below)
& 4 packets of milo nuggets.
SO CHEAP!

i think i nearly drive B crazy,
i say i feel like trying A&W's strawberry ice cream waffle;
and i only had 1 mouth;
and i didn't want anymore so he had to finish up the rest. =P

talk bout the 10 bottles of carlsberg;
1 btl probably cost just 2 bucks ?
1st night i had 1 btl and B had 3 btls;
2nd night i told him my eyes felt painful & i fell asleep;
poor B had to finish up the remaining 6 btls;
with me sleeping happily on the bed & watch species alone on the couch.
Hee =P

-----------------

before the trip;
i booked rasa for 1 night so we wont have to wake up too early to harbourfront.
rasa is good though we can't really compare it to shang.
i think the lady was nice enough to upgrade me from hillview room to a seaview room
while waiting for B to finish work;
jo & man accompanied me to check in to rasa;
we watched TV & cam whore (uploaded the photos to facebook)

----------------

waited for B to finish work yesterday as usual;
went for dinner at burger king;
with B smiling silly all the way.
then met chua & chel @ Alley Bar for drinks
then headed home. =)

---------------

Love you B.

uploaded the photos!

2009-03-11T15:40:00.002+08:00

not feeling really well;
thus there i am slacking at home,
while my B is so sleepy at work.

it feels so good to be home alone;
no disturbances and so quiet
except for the occasional sound of the cleaner washing the block below;
and birds crowing;
other than that;
its quiet.

and i have uploaded all the photos to facebook;
so Lye ar,
dont say i slow hor.

batam here I come

2009-03-05T09:21:00.004+08:00

finally its thursday;
right B?
Its time to rest & relax.

Gonna check in to rasa tonight
and go straight to batam tmr morning.
Sometimes I don't understand what's the big deal
do I have to be 1 of the hot topics again
just because I booked rasa?
Don't understand what's wrong with these people.

Xy's leaving for kl tmr too!
Have fun alright. =)
Can't wait finish work
Cause its rest n relax for 3 days. Yeah!

my bloody valentine

2009-02-28T09:52:00.002+08:00

I'm over-cooked;
no longer steamed.
Ha! So shag.

Went to watch my bloody valentine yesterday wit B at vivo
I think I managed to sit through the show
with the agony of not being able to shout,
Well, I keep jumping
and idiot B was laughing non stop.
But its really a great show esp for ppl who fancy gruesome shows.
always enjoy spending time wit you B. =)

so tired

2009-02-26T09:07:00.002+08:00

I'm so sleepy n tired;
yawn.

life's been simple, tiring yet i'm very happy still
and that's all that matters for now.

I'm not gonna leave you.
Look forward to batam alright.

Damn!
Been getting too many unknown bruises
And I hate the fact that my back's causing me pain. =(

irritation

2009-02-24T10:14:00.002+08:00

there's a limit to my tolerance;
and I'm reaching it,
stop before things get out of hands,
i've enough to deal with
and i'm definitely not in the mood to deal with someone immature.

I do believe that I have smart friends who know me well enough to know what to believe.
If they don't, then too bad,
I don't have to explain to them either.
I'm lucky I've such friends who stay n believe and are truly happy for me. Appreciate it alot.

life roller coaster

2009-02-23T17:43:00.002+08:00

I think my life's full of colours
and I feel like I'm riding a roller coaster,
full of ups and downs.

well, life's full of drama
And I'm pretty sure I can hardly find anyone with the same encounter as me.

B,
I promise I'll treat him like my own.

look forward to our first trip

2009-02-23T14:04:00.002+08:00

well,
I'm sleepy from all the work and after lunch,
So I thought its time to blog a lil.

I'm finally getting a short getaway
at nearby island Batam from 6-8 mar,
though its short and near,
I think I'm still gonna enjoy,
its the company that counts, isn't it, B?

Thanks B, for being as accommodating as ever. =)

I love you thomas

2009-02-18T11:46:00.002+08:00

I know you're bored now. Bear with it alright.

So,

a message to you, B.

I love you.

loves

2009-02-17T16:52:00.001+08:00

finally feel complete;
with you around;
its always safe and secure.

The most "romantic" V day

2009-02-15T15:00:00.002+08:00

well, i had quite an interesting valentine's day yesterday.
every girl looks forward to this day;
yet i find it as normal as any other day
except for the fact that everything's so freaking expensive on this day;
you see couples everywhere on the street and the girls are always holding flowers;
there'll be people trying to sell you flowers;
and most importantly;
Valentine's Day the bane of all Singles.
probably i spend too many V day alone or with friends till i don't look forward to it at all.

first;
we had nasi briyani at some place near Arab Street
which was not bad.
then we started planning for the next program.

wanted to catch Valkryie but no tickets; (thats why i hate saturdays & Valentine's Day)
then we just sat around discussing till we arrived at Arab Street again,
for See-sha.
we got bored and started playing truth or dare;
when we finally decided it was too boring again;
we went to kallang leisure park;
where bowling was closed so we bought cup noodles and went to the bridge.
sat around talking and drinking the sparkling juices (from those idiot bets)
then, we started playing games and forfeits.
HAHA! i took all the videos of all the forfeits and we had so much fun.
i'm so gonna upload it though someone's gonna be SO unhappy bout it.

anyway, i so wanna complain why i dislike V day.
Duck's tyre got punctured by a nail
and my slippers gave way AGAIN.
i HATE the fact that i got no slippers to wear AGAIN.
and i'm just gonna push all these bad things to V Day,
and conclude i dont like V day.

but still, i had a memorable V day,
thank you. =)

to end this;
i'm happy to inform that i've upload photos and videos that are due long time.
please approach my facebook. Hee =)

Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T14:08:00.002+08:00

it's Valentine's Day once again.

i'm sorry but it's already too late,
it's over now,
at least for me...

you don't have to wait anymore,
because this time round,
i won't give you anymore chance.

you forced me to say all those harsh things to you,
i didn't mean to hurt you,
but i can't feel anything for you anymore.

it's over

2008-12-02T22:07:00.002+08:00

after a near 3 months break from this hideout,
this dust collector should be back to business.

let's pray and hope that only happy things will appear from now on.

don't expect too much though
'cause this girl here is pretty much addicted to bleach like her sister
and her time is pretty much packed by work.

i think the best time i had in these few months worth mentioning
would be the taiwan trip from 11 Nov - 16 Nov with jolynn.
i wish i never had to come back.

december is here again,
i used to look forward to this month,
not anymore compared to the previous years.
i just hope it ends fast.

alright. i'm gonna continue "bleach-ing".

friday lunch larling!
please don't mj till 6am again on thursday. haha

loves.

changed

2008-09-16T23:58:00.002+08:00

many things have changed,
time do change people,
i can't agree more.

but do i really like the "me" i'm changing to now?
i wonder.

i don't have a life now,
just working my ass off every single day.
i haven't watch a single movie in weeks,
and all the shows i wanna watch are all coming off the screen.

speak up how i really feel?
i am feeling so TIRED and DRAINED from all this waiting,
and the endless tears whenever something just have to happen at the wrong time.

i see the photos on her friendster, i'm unhappy.
i see her taking over everything i used to have, i'm unhappy.
i see her coming down even when she's not working, i'm unhappy.
i see her things, i'm unhappy.
when i have to work with her and yet have to be impartial, i'm unhappy.
when i have to cry alone under a block, i'm unhappy.
when i'm sick and you're not there to spare a word of comfort, i'm unhappy.
when i know you brought her to the wedding, i'm unhappy.
when i can't feel the same concern & love i used to felt, i'm unhappy.
there's so many things i'm unhappy about and this is the only place i get to shout,
yet whatever written here gets out fast enough to the point i feel i don't have any privacy left.
and i hate the fact that i've to pretend to be magnamious and act like nothing happens whenever i hear her name,
when i'm actually feeling like shit.
fark.

fine, i'm a bitch and a vixen for throwing myself at him lar.
i can't be bothered by what people will think anymore,
i'm fed up plus sick and tired.

i really really need to find myself back before it's too late.

you still dont understand

2008-09-09T23:31:00.001+08:00

you're still not getting it

Never mind.
tmr will be a fresh new day again.

i hate this place

mummy i miss you

2008-09-07T19:13:00.001+08:00

mummy

i miss you

just like when any girls got hurt, they just want the comfort of a mum.
yet, i can't tell you much,
cause i can't have you worried.

and all i'm left,
is me alone again,
with so many things i can only keep to myself.

always my fault

2008-09-07T16:56:00.002+08:00

i am damn sure that i did not say i was going out with a friend,
you did not ask me and you said you read my blog,
which i clearly stated who i am going with,
so why should i have bothered lying to you bout who i am going with when you already knew?

or is it just that you are still finding faults with me so that you don't feel as bad about your decision now,
so that you don't have to feel as bad that you are not with me now.

i hate you for doing this to me,
i hate you 'cause i can no longer feel the concern,
i hate you for not being there when i needed someone when my legs were really aching & my stomach was in so much pain,
i hate you for making me wait and thinking it's ok as long as you're not hurting her that much when you're hurting me so much over here,
i hate to keep thinking about everything and forever not getting an answer, leaving me only to silence,

i hate you for everything.

and i'm in so much pain,
physically & emotionally.

another random post

2008-09-04T23:21:00.003+08:00

i think i didn't sleep well last night, explains the neck aches

joshua's leaving for dubai at the end of the month, so the farewell party last night at aloha changi

i have an irritating classmate botak kenneth who just cant stop disturbing me,
and yet we were allocated together as a group today,
and he can't stop blowing his kisses at me.
idiot. duh.

and yes, i'm not forgetting my promise to attend your bday on saturday dre.
i'll be there.

i think sunday's gonna be library day,
to start on my OB assignment.
got no idea how to start.
i'm meeting han yew tmr for a drink like finally after a few weeks of calls & smses,
because i kept missing his calls & forgetting to reply his calls or smses,
and he's leaving for brunei this sunday.
so nice of him to still want to meet up even when i'm gonna finish work so late tmr.

---------------------

the feeling i had for last night was so indescribable,
i think it's best to forget 'bout it.

it's time to venture out instead of getting trapped here all alone,
got to move out of that small world i'm trapping myself for weeks,
and start slotting back my friends into the super tight schedule i have. =)

short getaway

2008-09-03T20:03:00.001+08:00

i need a short getaway

i want to sleep a whole day

i just want to get away

lousy food

2008-09-01T23:27:00.003+08:00

i had a lousy day.

monday blues drowning me.

especially since i was working till 12 plus midnight,

and supper at sunshine place,

then finally manage to sleep at 2am

and woke up at 620am to go to work.

closing today seems so not closing,

everybody's not in the mood.

i just whacked coke at the loading bay whenever i go for breaks to wake myself up,

and finished work at 630pm.

went to bqt and waited for ms kuku to finish work,

then we took a quite empty bus to Lot 1,

had dinner at the food court,

and DAMN!

i am NEVER going back to that stupid korean stall that sold me TASTELESS kimchi soup for

FREAKING 6.50 bucks.

and i had to go to the pepper lunch stall to buy myself another dinner.

MA DE!

anyways, after dinner,

we sat down a while,

talked then went seperate ways home.

i sat below my block for probably 1/2 hr like i always do nowadays,

just relaxing and playing my psp,

and finally reach home at 11pm.

i think i'm going to bed now.

i'm gonna skip school tmr AGAIN,

and take my FTL after work tmr.

i'm gonna continue keeping myself busy with whatever i can,

and hopefully by then,

everything will run smoothly just like 2 1/2 yrs ago,

when i could survive with just myself and not rely on another person.

Oh yah!

did i forgot to mention 'bout the IT show i went last friday,

damn it was PACKED to the brim,

had such a hard time walking around esp when i'm carrying my dear charlene,

who has became SO SO SO heavy nowadays,

gosh i had muscle ache the next day,

but she's finally remembering who her god-mum is.

love her sooooo much.

and that SONY salesgirl NEARLY tempted me to buy T300,
my dream camera for now,
NEARLY.
financially down so bear with it for now.

i demand for the old "ME"

appearing offline

2008-09-01T23:13:00.003+08:00

i feel stupid,
staring at the laptop for 5 whole minutes not knowing what to type.

just feel so damn tired physically, mentally and emotionally.

why do i just forget to breathe and my heart stop pumping
whenever i start visualising some negative things i wish i could throw out of my mind.
damn i hate that feeling.

i dont feel any sense of security anymore,
i dont like the idea of sharing.
fine. then i'm a bitch.

i totally agree with isaac,
not seeing that someone who broke your heart will make you forget him/her faster,
talking from his experience,
i agree since it worked on me once,
so why not now?
maybe i should start thinking where i should move on to,
save all troubles.

i am appearing offline every single day.

suffocated

2008-08-31T14:32:00.002+08:00

i felt so suffocated last night,
like i couldn't breathe anymore.

i think my body's breaking down anytime soon
by the way i'm stretching it to the limit.

will it be worth the wait?
what if she failed?
am i going to continue waiting?
what if you decided keep things this way?
am i going to continue trusting you?

look at it in a different light,
i've the freedom to wait or just leave,
there isn't any promise or commitment from both parties.

i used to envy people for their ability to love another person,
now i wish i can lose that same ability
and get rid of all emotions.

random day

2008-08-28T23:07:00.002+08:00

this is a random post.
i'm just going to bore the hell out of everyone who's reading.
this isn't a place to vent out true feelings,
so i should probably create an annoymous blog where i know nobody i know will be reading it.

i had TCC's aglio olio, mushroom soup & oreo milkshake today for dinner!
i had a tiring mind-breaking night of class with stats.
and i am having a serious headache.

it's always a long and lonely journey home either from work or school,
lucky i have my trusty mp3 & psp there for me,
how else can i survive.
life.

i want to eat durian mooncake.

let's see what i can get at the IT show isaac's bringing me tmr.

i'm not getting an off day since monday till next friday,
sunday's 31st = closing = must work = can claim OIL = can use OIL for 26 Sep to work F1

i am very tired from working, studying & working P/T,
but i am super low on cash.

my classmate that botak kenneth who's the joker in the class nearly flicked his cig at me accidently just now,
and he took my coke and drank it.
#$%*#%(*$

i wish.
someday i'll wake up, forget everything and start a new life again.

i wish.
i can move to other countries to study or work with nobody who knows me,
that might just be a new different life.

s'pore flyer

2008-08-28T01:58:00.002+08:00

okay.

finally met up with larling and daddy for lunch yesterday at far east,
i didn't totally disappear,
just been busy like i told you. =)
will meet up soon again alrights.

went to the S'pore Flyer today afer work with my colleagues,
and it's only because there's a promotion till 31 Aug for hoteliers to go free,
i won't go if i have to pay like 30 bucks just to stand there and watch the view for 30 mins,
and we kinda made full use of the 30 mins cam-whoring.
finally reach home at 11 plus,
and i'm so freaking tired.

since i wasn't ready to sleep,
i decided to upload all the photos i am supposed to upload ages ago to facebook.
ranging from the phuket trip to the recent birthday parties.
and damn!
i just finish tagging the people for gab's party and facebook just have to come up with an error,
so i'm too tired to re-tag.
photos are up on my facebook for grabs.

stats class tmr and it's already 2am.
i'm going to bed already.
good night.

failed again

2008-08-26T22:09:00.004+08:00

life is always full of choices that you've to make,
you've to choose what to eat and where to go each day,
and when it comes to matters of the heart,
there are choices and sacrifices to be made,
yet there's never a perfectly right choice.

in my nearly 22 yrs of life,
i've made many choices,
small to big in a way affecting my life and
some produced great results and some turned out to be wrong,
sacrifices were made and life still went on.
regrets definitely haunts each and every one of you,
and i was never spared either.

i've learnt that regrets are always tad too late,
and when one has lived with too much regrets in their life,
they tend to be think a lot 'bout what they really want
and go for it with whatever they have.

this time round,
i tried with whatever i had and done things i never thought i would ever do,
regardless how people will think of me being foolish or whatsoever,
i still tried,
at least i know when i look back "now" in the future,
i've no regrets,
i might even laugh at myself for being silly.
but right now,
i just want to make sure i don't regret in the future for not trying hard enough.

yes.
i might have gotten my heart broken again,
when you would rather choose option A,
perhaps i was right not to pin high hopes that you would choose option B.
nobody can ever have the best of both worlds,
love is selfish and there's only room for one,
you chose responsibility over love,
you made your choice,
yet i couldn't bear the pain.
sometimes i just forgot to breathe while thinking,
and try to catch my breath afterwards

you might say i was not putting myself in your shoes,
but i've been there done that,
might not have been totally the same but if given the same scenario,
i will choose option C- make a clean break and be open 'bout who you really want to be with.

so have you put yourself in my shoes and think,
how am i feeling right now?
to wait for an answer so hard to come by,
to refrain from tearing after hearing the choice you made,
to act like nothing has happened,
to turn from "the only one" to somewhat like a third party,
to try and stop touching the finger where the ring used to be,
to try and stop touching the spot on the neck where the necklace used to be,
to try hard to stop tearing while packing all the photos and gifts into a box,
to keep telling myself that you still love me,
to keep putting up a strong front,
to keep putting myself in your shoes,
to even able to forgive all these things,

turn the tables around, switch our roles around
and ask yourself,
are you able to do the same and continue waiting ?

right now,
i only know one thing.
if i really love someone,
nobody else matters as much.
i won't care much 'bout the sacrifices that have to be made
because i know it's worth it.
but we might not be on the same frequency,
what i think might not be what you believe in,
i still stay firm.
silly i know.

No more indulging in liquor to numb the heart, (i've to bear the after effects myself)
No more crying my heart out, (someone who loves me won't make me keep crying)
No more of speaking up from now on, (it never works from my experiences)
because time never waits,
and i can't bring myself to be depressed and just heck my job and studies,
i'm just not her and i don't need to be like her.
since i'm not the only one anymore,
then let it be.

i've done my part and said my piece.
agree or disagree,
it's 'bout choices again.

quoted from the day i designed the banner above,
"this simple thing called love",
ain't simple anymore.
or is it just that i don't deserve to have this simple love anymore.

P.S. Why did you have to sink my heart deeper and deeper into emptiness?
i might wait yet might not.
distance will be kept

the losing end of the gamble

fear

2008-08-23T18:06:00.003+08:00

as the day approaches,
so does my fear.

my world's in a mess and the colour's grey,
will you be the one to set it right again?
or will you leave me to learn to deal with it once again?

a gamble,
50-50

take a chance

2008-08-22T00:41:00.002+08:00

a gamble of life.

if only i am still a baby,
and know nothing about this very profound thing called " L O V E",
no longer a simple thing.

scared

2008-08-20T20:04:00.002+08:00

i'm scared yet tired.
will you be able to calm me down?

will history repeats itself?

happiness or will the heart get b r o k e n again.

never wake up anymore

2008-08-17T14:19:00.001+08:00

i think to myself every night

i wish i never had to wake up anymore

放了

2008-08-14T18:48:00.004+08:00

徘了徊了走了错了过了等了
累了全都困了烦的乱的等的
都是真的

疯的想的念的不安的焦虑的
复杂的梦过的拥有的失去的
怎么忘呢

你做过的伤放困了你爱的音
那天的我等着你等成了摆设

我的你的他的好的坏的难的
灰的蓝的黄的酸的甜的苦的
都还记得

非常想要忘的绝对不能忘的
我心要换你的真的不行那么
只得放了

环岛的火车载着我第几天了
忽然发现这一刻我不想你了

我的快乐会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐会回来的
离开不是谁给了谁的选择

我的快乐会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐会回来的
离开不是谁给了谁的选择

我的快乐会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐会回来的
离开不是你给了我的选择

疯的想的念的不安的焦虑的
复杂的梦过的拥有的失去的
怎么忘呢

非常想要忘的绝对不能忘的
我心要换你的
真的不行那么
只得放了

放了......

忘了......

---the song running through the mind and triggering the part of the brain controlling the tear gland

i just needed 1 night to relive all the memories,
to tell myself for a good ending, its worth it,
not neccessarily a happy one but at least parted with a smile.
in the process, hurting myself when i see reality setting in,
through the smses, calls, the people and the surrounding of a place once so familiar.
i lost my place, i realised.
i had to force myself
to face the truth that the girl from the past has always been there and the girl from present is here now,
and tell myself not to be foolish anymore.

it wasn't easy,
letting go never was.
i'll try to stay firm and break contact,
so leave while i can still take it.

thank you.
for one last good memory.
i just needed to feel your love one last time.

i used all my last strength to smile and walk away without looking back one last time,
i don't think i can do it again.

don't try to hide

2008-08-12T20:31:00.002+08:00

the more you hide,
the more it will reveal itself.

the more you lie,
the worse you feel.

i've helped you made a decision,
so fret no more.

why has it became so complicated?
just want to relive the memories one last time.

the best way to spend a saturday

2008-08-02T17:50:00.002+08:00

define the best way to spend a saturday.

woke up by the noise of strangers in your hse fixing your aircon,
mum cook you maggie mee,
slack at your couch with sex & the city playing on your laptop,
enjoy ice cream while blogging,
and head out to meet friends later at night.

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY CHEL CHEL~
=D

taker or giver

2008-08-02T17:43:00.003+08:00

i realise in every relationship, friendship or any kind of interpersonal relationships,
there's always a taker and a giver.
you have to know which one you are before you start making changes or stick with it,
so friends,
i think i'm a taker most of the time
which one are you ?

the best way to get over and move on,
never look back,
have great friends,
stop talking 'bout your ex,
no matter how nice or shitty he had been,
and after a while,
you've moved on.

like i always thought,
there's nothing wrong being single and it might just be better than before,
thank you for making my point even stronger.

JJ's Bday

2008-07-30T00:36:00.002+08:00

i don't feel like movie-ing tonight,
so cancelled dark knight.

ended up meeting isaac, JJ, fel & vanessa at J8,
had dinner at S11,
started crapping for very long,
before going to isaac's hse for some drinks that he's good at mixing.
it's been like 2-3 yrs since i last went,
and i love his 2 big screens, his keyboard. DAMN NICE.
his place is not so forbidden like last time,
but we were still sneaking in while his family were out having dinner at crystal jade,
it's JJ's actual bday today or yesterday since it's past 12am now.
we sang the birthday song and
isaac did what he do best, mixing brandy, vodka, baileys with juices and ice cream.
and got me drinking like water 'cause i couldn't taste the alcohol.
great, cause i'm having serious headache now.
thanks ah isaac.
i'm no drinker but yah, i just felt like drinking abit tonight.
after his sis's cue that they're returning home,
we faster left the house and headed home.
me and van took 156 ? or whatever back to bt timah to change bus.
we practically chatted our way through,
and gosh, it was so fun gossiping and sharing with her.
better have more girls talk sessions like this.
we went to the extent of missing 3 buses just to continue talking.
girls.....
and when van got off, i got to count on my ever-there buddy isaac to talk to me
while i slowly took a long and quiet walk back to my house from the bus stop.
and there i am now, right in front of my laptop blogging,
proving that the few glasses didn't got me drunk
and i am still sober but extremely tired.
so good night.

life is so tough. isn't it?

promise

2008-07-30T00:27:00.002+08:00

i can't make that promise

not knowing whether i can fulfil it

thus, i chose not to reply.

it's not that i'm not moving on,
it's just that i can't find myself moving forward thats all.

i confessed

2008-07-28T21:35:00.003+08:00

i think i just did something that i have never done before
and don't think i ever will again.

what else can i say?
i don't even know what to reply.

for good or bad?
both parties went speechless,
not knowing what to say anymore.

back pain

2008-07-28T00:26:00.002+08:00

alrights.
the last thing i wanna whine today is
how that stupid steven pushed me to the door
and made me bang my back with the heavy-duty lock handle at the store yesterday.

it is damn farking painful,
and i think the blue-blacks are showing up anytime soon,
but i don't feel like rubbing it
'cause it's simply too painful
that i can't even laugh too much or it will hurt like hell.

...

2008-07-28T00:20:00.002+08:00

some wounds never heals completely.
it opens up naturally,
just like when i was on my way to my granny's birthday 2 sundays ago,
and when i was on my way to my latest cousin kaido's 1 month celebration today,
i can't help but think you were supposed to be here with me meeting my relatives.

then sometimes i think of how your family friends used to say
"hope i'll see you the next time",
and you goes "you all will definitely see her again the next time".

and yet, everything's gone in a flash.
destroyed.

betrayal

2008-07-28T00:05:00.003+08:00

everyone has different perceptions on every thing.
coming to the topic of betrayal.

in my point of view,
even if your bf breaks up with you and only got together with another girl after a week,
it still counts as a form of betrayal.
many may think that
well, he didn't exactly two-timed you, he gave a courtesy call of breaking up with you first.
but hey, he have already stopped loving you since months ago
and he made it a point to use his actions to show you,
and god knows when he started having feelings and hanging out with that girl.
people who have no clues of what's going on definitely thinks that you got dumped for another girl,
in a crude way, you got zao-sai.

some may agree and some might not,
i can't get everyone to agree with me because that's not the way things works.

things that i know might not be the truth
but the one person who should be clarifying it isn't doing it,
so whats the point of having people speaking up for him,
even so, does it really matters anymore ?
you decided on leaving and so leave,
dont turn back anymore,
because the person might not be waiting for someone who no longer loves her.

and they say people's lifestyle changes after every incident,
i agree.
because mine's totally different but i'm living the best of out it.
every minute is well-spent,
not like the past where i've practically slept my way through my 22 yrs.

so whats your perception of betrayal ?

you gave up your chance when you left.

冷凍

2008-07-26T02:19:00.000+08:00

石康军 - 冷冻
终于清楚的看出你的坏
过去就算我活该
忍无可忍
你不可理喻对待
我淡然地离开
原来谁也不能把谁完全的替代
活在他的影子里只有换来伤害爱着你是那么痛
像刺骨的寒冬
心在低温中
一天一点的冷冻我的身体已冰封
不被眼泪感动
别再热情对待试图将我解冻
为了让你忘记他留下的爱
所有自尊都抛开
你百般挑剔我总显得很失败
不再荒谬忍耐彻底地放开我就能让我解冻

你要的只是陪伴
不是爱我不是爱的乞丐
你不相信我的爱为你存在
那就让我离开

...

2008-07-26T02:00:00.004+08:00

okay.
after isolation mode for one day
(sorry larling, needed some time to think, so i did not reply your sms/calls),
plus exams stress finally gone for now,
i am feeling damn good except for that shitty feeling of having to work as usual,
instead of having holidays like how school students actually gets.

anyways, i went home to sleep last night and woke up only at 3am to start studying on my biz mgmt,
thats when RY sent me some good & meaningful songs,
HAHA!
and i only started studying from 4am-630am,
pop for a short sleep till 10 plus, studied again and went for the exam at 2pm.

then, met tingsin after my paper today,
and i had sushi for dinner on his treat again!
how long have i last had sushi, ages ago.
after dinner, pop over to his hse and "kop" even more games for my psp,
cause i am finally in the mood to resume playing around again after exams.

and the only reason i am blogging now is
because i am waiting for the games to be transferred to my psp.
sigh.

one full day of work tomorrow
and kaido's (my 1 month old cousin) one month celebration on sunday.

did i mention red cliff 赤壁 is a damn good show?
okay. i know i'm SLOW.
but i can't wait for the second part.
takeshi kaneshiro is damn cute as Zhu Ge Liang okay!
tony leung wasn't bad too.
and to think i never thought i will find myself interested in ancient chinese history
though its mostly fiction.

...

2008-07-24T21:32:00.001+08:00

mood's just nice for isolated mode.

...

2008-07-24T01:04:00.003+08:00

i hate you, EX-boyfriend.

because
you made me become a laughing stock of your unfaithfulness.

the last straw i can take is my own bloody friend tearing my wounds apart again,
telling me that i deserved to be "zao-sai".
thanks but i don't need to be reminded.
screw you.

fark.
is it so funny to laugh at someone for this sort of things?

happy or not?

2008-07-21T22:36:00.002+08:00

amazing how someone can bring laughter to your life,
and bring tears into your life that is on par with the laughter.

the sensitivity issue,
not a good issue to debate 'bout.

distractions always finds ways to enter when you're trying desperately hard to cramp yourself into studies,
and i hate it.
there's always the serials, movies, going out, stupid emotions and etc
that makes you feel like escaping from the books.

counting down 16 hrs more...

...

2008-07-21T16:09:00.002+08:00

it's only right not to put too much emotions into it,
you'll just end up getting hurt,
and he's just not sensitive enough to sense it, isn't it?

is your sensitivity debatable ?
i don't really know,
i just know it's either you're pretending not to know or you're real slow.

saturday afternoon

2008-07-19T14:14:00.003+08:00

it's been a long while since i last slept through till afternoon,
and the feeling is just SOOOO hard to describe...
SHIOK!
but the thought of exams is weighing hard on my mind,
and the pressure and stress is building up.
4 yrs since i last took exams...
and i find myself having NOT ENOUGH TIME to study.

work, studying & D&D rehearsals everyday is draining me dry,
that i decided to let loose a bit yesterday.
randomly, decided to meet up with isaac for dinner yesterday,
well, i do feel kinda bad keeping a distance from him when i was still with zh,
didn't want the sensitive issues to come up again,
but both of us understand this theory well.
it was a damn good feeling to be able to crap whatever we could,
and irritate the hell outta him.
and there were the times when serious talks came in,
shared the happy & unhappy moments we missed out of each other's life.
he's always a good friend.
so being a good friend,
he came down shang to pick me up,
both of us walked from shang to paragon,
have spaggedies for dinner on his treat, =D
continued walking to PS for starbucks.
practically walked the whole of town really and we just kept talking non-stop.

i must say i saw lots of friends yesterday in town,
ranging from my sec sch fren kimmy who so didn't see me,
to my SP's good buddy sweehai who claimed that i have became SO SKINNY after years
and finally a long lost fren wee aik who's working at PS's YAMAHA.
exchanged a lil updates & there we went moving on to our plans..

then,
durians at geylang with biggy ears, lye lye, dumb dumb sis, RY & muscle man,
it's been a LONG LONG time since i had them.
damn GOOD! durian season... YUMMY
but the after-effects of durians always kicks in the next day,
with sore-throats and the uncomfortable feeling.

so now i am feeling guilt for not studying and i dont have much time to study now,
cause i'm going to work at 530pm.
which is boring but i'm broke.

kai liang that MAN YU GAO's flying off tonight to sydney,
he better dont spread his "man yu gao" around.
bon voyage dude!

17 Jul 2008

2008-07-17T22:17:00.001+08:00

i have my doubts.

and why ain't i studying at this time,
instead getting addicted to sex & the city.

dedicated to one who loved

2008-07-15T21:12:00.003+08:00

dear jolynn,

i read your blog and i kinda know.
i understand how you're feeling now,
just want you to know,
"you're not alone"

don't be sorry because you've loved,
it's just that he don't know how to appreciate.
when love starts becoming one-sided,
there's no longer a point in holding on anymore.
when a guy tells you he don't love you anymore,
it's time you start moving on.
one last thing i learnt,
don't blame yourself anymore,
because it's not your fault.

even comforting words to you now may seems like daggers,
so i wont say much anymore.

call me if you need me. =)

i just dont want

2008-07-14T20:44:00.003+08:00

i always believe in songs depicting how you feel.
so there goes another song.

*AHEM*
*DELETED*
thats why they say humans like to create troubles for themselves.

---------------

my time have been very packed for these 2 weeks,
too much movies, mj and supper.

this week's study week,
no school. =D
but it just means next week's exams week,
so gotta study. =(
and i only got 1 week of holiday before school starts again on 5 Aug,
OB & BS.
sian.

.

2008-06-30T00:42:00.003+08:00

alrights.
i never knew my blog was such a popular space for open-discussion.
i don't advertise it on friendster & my msn's the only place friends can know 'bout my blog
but apparently whatever i say here gets out to the whole world evidently.
apparently my life after the breakup is quite a hot topic everywhere.

"SI Q-MO", think i dont know you're reading NOW!
i was finding the han yu pin yin for CURLY hair in hokkien so there you go.
like i told andy & wee kee, you will definitely see YOUR NAME here.
you know who you are unless you want me to spell out your name,
you're IN A NEED of language lesson!
want to know why? ask me the next time you see me.
maybe my "killing aura" will kill you the next time.
haha.

----------------

damn!
it doesn't feels good when ugly facts starts showing up now & then,
when you feel yourself calming down.
how could you ever imagine when you try patching things up with your bf under his block 3 days after the breakup,
and only to find him telling you how lousy you were & *BANG*
a girl is upstairs in his room waiting for him for whatever the god-damned reason i wont ever want to know
and he never told you that part.
you found out yourself 3 weeks later.
i felt like i just got slapped twice across the face & my heart cringed when i think back about it,
apparently i've been thinking about this matter & it only confirmed yesterday.
i should say this is the 3rd slap i got.

do you want me to get angry so that you'll feel better and not so guilty anymore?
damn.
are you happy now ? happy that you kicked me into hell again & again.
but never mind that, i'll get out of it no matter what.
stop letting me know more uglier facts that you've done & ruin the image i had of you for 2 years.
it is just getting worse.

---------------------------

it's wee huat's birthday today so....
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY CLASSMATE!!!
after a day of continuous work from 830am-1230am,
headed down to Bt Batok Home Team NS chalet
(ought to mention he book that place 'cause most of us stay in the west),
the duo (biggy ears & lye lye) is finally back from redang,
miss them ALOT,
and so the trio of us & weekee had like 2 hrs of open-discussion on lots of things,
theories, propaganda on R/S, you name it we have it,
not to forget him killing many ants so they could reincarnate faster
before we had like hours of gambling over there and only left at 7am this morning,
i lost like 20 bucks ?
gosh! i got to mention that whoever said that "you wont get lucky if you're happily in love"
is SO DAMN WRONG.
because it doesn't work this way.
im just unlucky in ALL WAYS, whether im happily in love or not,
i am still UNLUCKY.

back to monday.
gloomy day.

FINE

2008-06-27T23:58:00.002+08:00

i'm keeping quiet.

doesn't mean i don't have any emotions.

i just rather keep to myself.

and i don't like being treated like a fool.

you never knew

2008-06-26T01:16:00.002+08:00

When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running in her mind.
When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you'll still be around.
When a girl answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds, she is not at all fine.
When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you're lying.
When a girl lays on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a girl says "I Love You", she means it.
When a girl says "I Miss You", no one in this world can miss you more than that.

you just never knew...

and you say you understood me.

The COUGH

2008-06-24T22:47:00.003+08:00

i would trade for anything (not that i've much left)
TO GET RID OF THIS GOD DAMNED COUGH THAT I'VE BEEN HAVING FOR 2 FREAKING WEEKS!!!!!

it is SO irritating
that i can't sleep well at night,
can't concentrate on my work/projects
'cause i'm always so drowsy & groggy from the effects of the medicine.

I NEED MY GOD-DAMNED REST!!!!

----------------

XY is probably enjoying herself with alvin & charlene at Afarmosa Malacca,
biggy ears & lye lye will be going to redang tmr without me =(
no choice! no money, no leave plus project datelines.
jealous lar! LOL!
but have lots of FUN okays and play on my behalf !

i think i just got numbed!

2008-06-24T22:04:00.003+08:00

no idea if it is a good or bad thing to hear friends praising me that i look eeriely normal again
even after the 2nd hard blow.
on the other hand, i see their anger rising every minute after they knew what happened,
but it only shows how much they cared.
i couldn't believe i could actually laugh it off nowadays when we're talking 'bout stuffs like this.

so i guess it's a good thing isn't it ?
emo days better go far far and never come back again.
thank you for making me numb & even stronger than before.

recently's not a very good season for L.O.V.E,
'cause breakups are happening everywhere i go,
quarrels & squabbles here and there,
friends getting worried over friends' problems
and
everybody just seems so E.M.O...
its not just the girls,
guys do have their emotional side which they rather keep to themselves and never speak up.
EGO.
time to swallow it.

someone's getting better with his capability to make me laugh the moment i picked up the phone & see his nonsense funny replies,
i bet i looked foolish.
it's just nice to forget the bad things once a while,
and enjoy the small lil' things that makes you feel alot better,
small lil' conversations that can just lighten up your day so easily,
laughing at how we get so troubled over other friends' problems & dicussing how to solve it,
talking 'bout nothing except nonsense and debating about winning & losing over nothing,
that's what i'm doing!
to that someone who's always "patient", "free" & entertaining,
you'll never read this but thank you! =)

-------------
special dedication by biggy ears to "my history"
she says it is so applicable to me right now and i was laughing when i heard the lyrics,
i never took notice of the lyrics before this.

"Take a Bow"

Ohh, how about a round of applause,
Yeah, standin' ovation,
Ooh ohh yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah.

You look so dumb right now,
Standin' outside my house,
Tryin' to apologize,
You’re so ugly when you cry,
Please, just cut it out.

Don’t tell me you’re sorry 'cause you’re not,
Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught,
But you put on quite a show (oh),
You really had me goin',
But now it’s time to go (oh),
Curtain’s finally closin',
That was quite a show (oh),
Very entertainin', But it’s over now (but it's over now),
Go on and take a bow, ohh ohh.

Grab your clothes and get gone (get gone),
You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on (come on),
Talkin’ 'bout girl, I love you, you’re the one,
This just looks like the re-run,
Please, what else is on.

And don’t tell me you’re sorry 'cause you’re not (mmm),
Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught (mmm),
But you put on quite a show (oh),
You really had me goin',
But now it’s time to go (oh),
Curtain’s finally closin',
That was quite a show (oh),
Very entertainin',
But it’s over now (but it's over now),
Go on and take a bow, ohh.

And the award for the best liar goes to you (goes to you),
For makin' me believe that you could be faithful to me,
Let's hear your speech out,
How about a round of applause,
A standin' ovation.

But you put on quite a show (oh),
You really had me goin',
But now it’s time to go (oh),
Curtain’s finally closin',
That was quite a show (oh),
Very entertainin',
But it’s over now (but it's over now),
Go on and take a bow.

But it's over now.

gosh marketing!

2008-06-24T00:16:00.003+08:00

OH MY GOD.

i can't believe marketing's gonna kill me in just a matter of days.
dateline's on friday but not even 1/4 is complete.
i really have NO idea how to start,
because i don't understand it at all.

PLEASE SAVE ME!
How the hell am i gonna do a power point presentation on "The Line"
with all the PEST, SWOT, BSG, 5 Forces & marketing strategies.
it's a torture.

my sis says my table finally look like a REAL studying table,
with books & 2 laptops,
and not piled up with clothes & misc stuffs.
haha.

they say vengence's sweet, but i don't think so now.

2008-06-23T21:07:00.005+08:00

i am just lost & confused earlier on.
not knowing why i am so angry,
am i angry that the betrayal that happened even before the breakup ?
or am i angry 'bout you pushing all the blame on me & not telling me the truth?
or am i angry that i finally learnt 'bout the truth 3 weeks later not from you nor my sister but from somebody else on that exact same day you passed on the msg to my sis (the one who trusted you the most)?
but you left out the important detail that your heart changed even before the breakup.
or am i actually angry with myself for listening to my heart & telling myself all this while that you'll never ever leave me for another girl?

after 2 days of thinking yet again,
after the anger & confusion starts going away,
finally my brain starts to take control over my heart.
and i finally got through another tough stage.
i feel so much more relieved learning the truth,
knowing that i no longer have to continue blaming myself for everything that had happened.
i can finally be FREED of guilt.

they always says that the ultimate truth of the breakup usually appears weeks/months after,
i say it's true.
it only means you have to get used to it.

and it's the friends i have thats pulling me away from hell that i fought so hard to get out of.
i won't know how to express how happy i am to have my friends.
friends whose heart hurts when they see me sad and teared,
friends who will stay on with me when i just went through another hard phrase of life,
friends who feels happy for me when they learnt that i've become stronger yet again,
friends who will bitch around with me 'bout all the bad things that had happened and laugh it off.
yah, not forgetting my dumb dumb sis too.

and you're not here as you once promised.
but now, i do know that promises are meant to be broken.
the things you said or did no longer matters,
because it didn't came through and it appears to be just "words".

i look at you now,
and i start to wonder who is the one not listening to his heart,
and who is being influenced by other people's words.
loneliness isn't an excuse,
and you can blame it on me but ultimately one day you will realise.
it's your decision and i respect that,
i just don't want you to regret in years to come.

now i only know that i'll love myself even more,
knowing that i don't have to change myself just to fit into another person's life,
and freedom's filling up my space of life.
plus my friends can't keep worrying 'bout me isn't it ?

no more anger,
means no more vengence thoughts.
no more pitiful looks from other people,
now that i know the truth,
i can feel my feet's light.
no more hatred,
it will only means that love's fading away.

and one last thing,
it was a good thing you couldn't meet me today.
because you no longer have the need to know what's in the content of the 2nd letter to you.

i woke up this morning to see a sms from someone unexpected
and that someone's who's not very good with his real-life speech have been of great help improving my mood too, through being so much more expressive in his sms-es.
though i don't really appreciate him calling me "gullible" and asking me to be "wiser" next time.
but the funny things he said really made me laugh hard.
haha! people must dare to love and dare to hate ?

and i do appreciate it when my friends tells me that its ok to nag sometimes and i will feel so much better plus im gonna break down if i kept everything to myself.

So this shall marks the end of all the emo entries for now alrights!
hearts all. =D

karma

2008-06-22T19:17:00.003+08:00

believe in karma,
though the numbers doesn't match.

regrets.
not a single bit left.

betrayal.
the worst thing that can happen.

trust.
treated like rubbish.

love.
let's see.

hatred.
a tad bit overwhelming.

projects

2008-06-18T23:53:00.002+08:00

projects' KILLING me.
bit by bit.
gosh! how i hate school life with lots of projects.

marketing project's due next friday and we just barely started.
hardly know anything linked to what we're going to do.
OH MY GOD!!!!
now i kinda hate marketing. =(

lucky biz mgmt's lecturer's pretty slack.
So dateline got extended till the following week's tuesday i think?
anyway, that project's much easier.
So, i shall not bother with it YET.

well, fel...
what can i say ? i totally understand how you feel now, really.
no matter how much others gonna comfort you or how you keep yourself pre-occupied,
you're still gonna get emo again once you're alone and you're really the only one who's gonna get yourself through this.
trust me. i really know.
keep yourself busy with something,
i chose to concentrate on my work,
i believe you can do so too.
i won't tell you to stop thinking 'cause i know you won't be able to definitely.
just remember girls can be strong too.
i know you can too,
no matter how long its gonna take.

Looking at my dumb sis's hair

2008-06-17T22:42:00.002+08:00

MAKES ME LAUGH NON-STOP.
that i NEARLY die of laughter.

it's PERMED.

and i think she's SO GONNA KILL me when she sees this.
but i still wanna laugh.

OK lar!
considering the tigger cup with chocolates & sweets in it you bought from malaysia's Famous Amos,
i shall quit laughing for now until you get it straight again.
HEH HEH~

see? i got a "sweet" lil sis.
HEH HEH

world still goes on....

2008-06-16T22:27:00.002+08:00

today's a special day.
i had a good "talk" with chermaen (my credit mgr who pulled me up to accts),
and her words struck me hard.
real hard!
and i feel like a weight on my head & heart have been unloaded.
I feel so light & happy!

i am lucky to have a good supervisor who tolerates my nonsense without complaints,
eg. last minute informing sick/taking leave, approving my leave even though it's month end
& during the busy period.
i felt really guilty.
i am lucky to have helpful colleagues who always helps to clear my work when i'm not around.
i am lucky i have an understanding manager who though nags at me very often,
but she just wants to get things done fast and she knows how to appreciate staffs and make them feel wanted.
though there are office politics flying here & there,
overall, AR & Credit is still a family probably with just some naggings here & there sometimes.

anyways, back to my point.
i've decided that i should stop mourning over this breakup.
because the world still goes on & time won't stop just because of you.
even if you are gone, the world still moves on without you.
chermaen shared with me her past and told me things that i knew deep down in my heart,
but i wasn't listening hard to my own heart then.
she said "if it's meant to be yours, it will be yours one day.
If not, no point waiting for it, because if you beg him to come back, he still wont love you as before and maybe his heart soften for a while but eventually another breakup will come along & you've to go through the same old shit"
So why not give both of you some time to think whether he's the ONE.
the ladies nowadays of the 21st century are independent enough not to depend on guys anymore,
not like the past when women are just small & tiny hiding behind guys.
Now women can be as strong as a man, and we're EQUALS.
she also said "if a guy tells you that he sees no future in the both of you, it means probably the feelings for you have faded to the point that he can give up the relationship instead of giving you more time & see you change. If he really loved you, he won't have gave up, he would have talked things out with you no matter how tired he is from all those waiting. So it's either this or he found another better girl and you're just not as good in his eyes anymore"
I believe his feelings faded rather than he found another girl.
Though i think i'll never ever forget the words " I don't see a future in us anymore".
It still hurts but not as before.

Because from today onwards, you guys don't have to worry 'bout me anymore.
I AM BACK!
as strong and independent as before.
probably even stronger. No more depending on guys/ promises.
Now, i just want to concentrate on work, school, friends & family.
i want to turn back to the old michelle who used to work so hard and feels responsibility weighing heavily on her shoulder that she didn't even dare take MCs even when she's real sick.
and just because she wasn't in-charge anymore, she became slack.
but now I won't let my mgr or supervisor down anymore,
for MYSELF and no one else,
i will work HARD. study HARD. Real Hard.
No more MCs i hope.
weekends at banquet will just be plainly working for $$,
even though people tends to look at me in a different light as to why i went back to do P/T
when i am already working at accts. To some of them, it seems degrading. To me, it's nothing.
It's just another way of earning $$ and i am not ashamed in any way,
i started off with banquet so why should i feel shameful?
when i'm wearing a suit, they look up to me.
when i'm wearing the capt's uniform, they look down on me.
like wtf.
It's OK.

as for him, i'll just say time will pass and if we're meant to be, we will be together once more.
If not, i wish the next girl who comes along will treasure you more.
the previous post 'bout the time limit is not effective anymore,
there won't be any time limit anymore,
because you've already moved on for your own good,
and now's my turn to move on for myself.
no more guilt.

we will still be friends.

So friends, quit telling me to take the initiative to talk things out.
I tried & it's no use pushing things.
What is meant to be yours will be yours.
now i truly understands the meaning.

the time limit

2008-06-15T03:50:00.003+08:00

i really don't know what else i can do.
i maximise my time out just to stop thinking even to the point of sleeping as little as possible even when i'm sick.
i work like mad for 16.5 hrs today when i'm coughing like mad
with everybody asking me to go home & rest,
but all i want is just to work my way through, keep myself busy & STOP THINKING.

everybody's wondering why i went back to bqt to work part time,
it is just to earn some cash 'cause i'm really broke after the phuket trip.
in additional, i want myself to be able to keep my calm even when seeing him,
i thought i managed it well today,
but thinking back again,
i failed again when i msged him...
though i hate to admit it but i still miss him.
i know it's what i've to go through but it's still hard to take it.

alvin ask me to think 'bout it,
even though i've been thinking 'bout it ever since the breakup.
but no matter how much i think,
it's just not gonna work out because it takes 2 hands to clap
and mine alone isn't helping.

i guess i've to set a time limit,
by end of the month if nothing else changes,
and he still wants to be left alone.
then i shall give up.
it will really marks the end & i'll just take it slow and be friends back.
but it will only be friends and nothing more from then on.

exactly half a month more.

quote

2008-06-12T16:52:00.002+08:00

shin quoted a phrase from Sex & the City.
"you will need half of the time that you dated the guy to get over him"

it seems to be quite true.
i guess it means i need 1 year to get my life back and move on.
i'll try harder.

it's also said the when people's sick, they will tend to get emotional.
i think it's true again.
because it's happening to me again.

JJ somehow hit my soft spot last night with what he said.
"Michelle is always fierce to all her friends but always sweet to her bf"
set me thinking that perhaps he's the only one who thinks so,
because if i am like what he said,
the outcome would not have became like this.

it's time to change the blogskin.
because the things i hear & see 'bout you still triggers something in me & stir my heart,
no matter how much i want to stop it.

to all my dear friends,
i know things will get better eventually.
i know this is a passing phrase of life that i have to go through once again.
i know i am being weak now but i'll look back one day and probably laugh at myself for being foolish.
i know that eventually i'll become strong and immune again.
i know that i might not be able to love again.
but i know that you all will always be here... =)

to jojo my banana,
yes i am a ardent fan of your blog & i read the entry dedicated for me.
don't worry. i will get stronger again.
and be the strongest once again in everybody's heart.
=)

10 Jun

2008-06-10T01:07:00.002+08:00

i really have no idea what to blog & really have the feeling of closing it.

because if i blog 'bout happy things, people say i've gotten over it so soon
it also means that i am a HEARTLESS & COLD-BLOODED creature.

and if i blog 'bout me feeling sad & mourning over the past, people say i should move on & be strong,
it also means i should let time heal.

so what should i blog about ?

MICH!
you should just STOP WHINING & GET YOUR LIFE BACK.
& STOP caring 'bout how others will criticise you & MOVE ON.

yes i know i know.

...

2008-06-09T19:46:00.002+08:00

just told my mum 'bout the breakup.
trying hard to hold back the tears
when she's telling me that i should self-reflect on myself when we were still together

i guess you should be happy that my mum says you're a nice guy.
but i don't want to keep getting reminded how lousy i was.

whats the point of blogging when i no longer can blog 'bout how i feel anymore...

HELLO PHUKET

2008-06-04T23:25:00.002+08:00

ok! I AM IN PHUKET!
well, most probably know by now.
CRAZY i guess but lucky i have leng here with me now watching sex & the city beside me.
it's a super last minute decision but yes, i have her to accompany me.

1st day was thai fried rice that taste fabulous and half-naked girls or probably just ladyboys dancing around guys who just grope at whatever they can.

2nd day at phuket and i'm leading a luxury life,
slacking the days through with the sea, sun and sand.
2nd thai massage in 2 days is good!

but i just realised that my whole body's sore and aching,
and the masseur actually press so hard on my legs that the area that was aching is blue-black now.
alright. we're probably hitting bangla road where the bars and nightlife are later.
but we just enjoy the comfort of the awesome room we have now..

did i mention about having a private jacuzzi at the balcony of our room?=D

i know i am fortunate to have friends around me who cares.
i always knew actually. comforting words do count. thanks. =)

不药而愈

2008-06-02T20:48:00.001+08:00

等你等到了冬季

雪飘进了我眼里

我试图去寻找爱情

和我们之间的关系

套上了你的毛衣

心更加冻结成冰

如果我先放弃爱情

我的痛会不会变得不药而愈

看伤心不能痊愈

我始终相信爱你的勇气

明明说好是两个人一起去的旅行

怎么剩下我一个人欣赏孤寂

看伤心慢慢痊愈

我会好好地安慰我自己

宁愿相信你只是突然改变了决定

去了另一个美丽城市

也等着我入境

...

2008-06-02T19:52:00.002+08:00

i am still leaving for phuket in 13 hours time.

time to get away and sort things out.

i want to come back fresh & concentrate on working.

no more crying. no more tears.

i wont lie that i am alright now but i will be as time goes by.

probably i will look back in a few months or years time to look at these entries
and be thankful i've been through and got over it.

part and parcel of life.
see you all when i am back.

30 May 2008

2008-06-02T15:27:00.003+08:00

30 May 2008 marks the end.
i hope everything could work out in the end so i avoided seeing people that knew the both of us.
only till yesterday, we managed to talk after days of avoiding.

yes. i do remember that day we got back together was the sweetest day of our relationship.
you showed me how to trust again,
you showed me how someone can love me so wholeheartedly,
you showed me it was okay to fall in love,
you showed me it was okay to depend on you,
you showed me what tolerance was about
you showed me my future will definitely have you,
you showed and gave me everything,
but i failed to show and love you with what i can.

i failed miserably and i shouldn't blame you for letting go and i never did.

love makes one's blind and dumb,
that i did things which i never did in the past.
numbing myself with alchohol just to make sure i could sleep without thinking anymore.
the tears have kinda dried up and i just have to force myself to stop thinking.

a phuket trip meant to make things right,
1 that you never wanted to go,
it was all along a 1-sided thing that i wanted to rekindle some things,
because you already let go long ago.

I just wants to say i am sorry.
Sorry that i failed once again.
I'll let you go and take care of myself.
1 day we might get back together,
and maybe we will never.

regrets is a tad too late
and people always have to lose it before they start cherishing it,
some get another chance,
but mine's long gone.

it's just friends for now i guess.
i hope that one day you will find the right one.

my heart broke and i finally understand how you felt in the past.
I'm sorry for everything i've done and not done.

-------------------------

thanks shin & dre for being there accompanying me for the past 2 days without sleep.
thanks to my dearest dumb sis who never fails to be with me even till 4 plus in the morning to talk.
thanks biggy ears for trying so hard to keep calling & smsing me.
thanks lye for staying with me at the loading bay that day.
thanks my banana for calling to check on me.
thanks to all the other friends i know that is really concerned.
I know most of you will wonder why i never look for you all, those that knew the both of us
it's just that i never wanted to admit that we are finished,
and i know you all will be worried and i never wanted it to be this way.
most importantly, i know i will break down once again just to say it out once more.

it's friends and family once again.

back from redang once again

2008-05-28T23:33:00.003+08:00

23 May - 26 May
well. redang's like my second town,
and i never got tired of going there 'cause there's always something there waiting.

this time round's a different resort.
Redang Holiday to be precise.
definitely not as high class but more to a chalet type of resort,
but yeah, still get used to it within half a day.
more important's the sun sea & sand as usual.

had a amazing time there with the gang,
made another memorable and unforgettable trip once again.
it was always the sun, snorkelling, marine life, the beach, the food, booze, dance & the friends over there...
never stop having fun even when sleeping.

probably should mention how happy & pranky me and jiahui was feeling on the last night,
and decided to go on a prank spree,
that's to draw on the guys while they were asleep.
HAHA.
thus, producing the blusher king, colgate kings & eye-liner king.
LOL!
whole loads of fun definitely and i haven had time to upload the sabotage photos
but definitely will try to make time.

next trip's phuket trip next tuesday with darl.
hope it's gonna be fun too.

working starts tomorrow and i'm feeling lazy.

natural disasters

2008-05-17T23:28:00.002+08:00

i was just talking to lye yesterday 'bout the numbers of natural disasters increasing,
from cyclones to high-scale earthquakes.

it's saddening to see people die and seeing those alive weeping for their friends/family.

the day shin went to china was the day/ 2nd day the earthquake strike,
now that china's in a mess,
i hope she's fine and better come back in 1 piece, i know she will. =D

then me & lye was discussing that if one day just a tiny-whiny earthquake was to strike SG,
i guess we shall see each other somewhere in heaven or hell,
'cause we don't think there will be any survivors,
except probably those who happened to be overseas/ in JB pumping petrol.

i know i am bored.
but it's a saturday and i am bored at home.

hot boring saturday

2008-05-17T22:19:00.005+08:00

says it all.

no long weekend again though i'll be off on monday too. helloooo public holidays.
it's not like those banquet days when public holidays were just another working day,
now the only days i look forward each week would be weekends and public holidays,
and i am always counting down each week.

i can hardly believe i'll be home-bound on a saturday.
like no activities? or probably tired from the week of work.
spent the whole afternoon till 9 plus sleeping forever.

been having repeated dreams for weeks displayed in different scenarios,
yet all trying to get across the same meaning.
that it will hurts so much when one day you find the 2 people close to your heart betray you together,
they get together and you walk away knowing there's nothing more you can do anymore.
walk away and weep.
turn back and think.
tried to shake this bad feeling off but how am i gonna do so when it keeps coming back to remind me.
and i don't feel a sense of security/love coming from him nowadays,
not like the past when i know i could trust him without doubts,
he's been acting weird though he says he dont think so,
yet i feels it so though.

the way you see me in a different light,
how you no longer care,
how you no longer showers the same love you did once,
how you pretend to be scared of me when i touched you and showing me you're irritated,
how you used to put me in the 1st place but no longer the case anymore,
how you just change the topic when i start saying you've changed.
these are the things i experienced that you either did it on purpose or you don't think you're doing it.
am i being sensitive ?
you and everyone else knows i'm not,
i never was so sensitive and pick on small little things,
but the list is just getting longer and longer that i just don't know what else i can do anymore.
i just feel like i'm gonna break down anytime soon if i bottle it up anymore,
though i always don't seem to so on the outside face that everybody sees.

why is it when we quarrel, people always think i'm in the wrong and you're the victim?
why is it when i go out with my friends, people always think i am not accompanying you?

why the fcking hell does everybody blames me for practically everything that goes wrong for us,
just because i don't like to show that i am weak.

why do i need constant reminders to make time for you and talk to you,
when you don't bother telling me anything anymore?

tell me what to do then.
you can always change the topic or try to act funny when i talk to you about this,
you might not read this since i won't know whether you still reads my blog,
but if you do and choose to ignore,
then we shall see...
maybe i might hold on a little longer or maybe i won't...
i don't want to be blamed again for not taking this relationship seriously,
but i don't want to keep having the sense of betrayal creeping up on me every second.

P.S: No comments please

random

2008-05-14T23:14:00.002+08:00

dragging my hands to start blogging or i shall leave this place to dust again as usual for 1 mth again?

forgotten most of the parts of the past week.

i only remember....

1. i didn't missed the 2 school days i had (considering how i skipped lessons in poly and was called the MC queen)

2. prawning on friday with shifu, jiahui, shin & ah gay.
and damn it! only shin seems to be catching the prawns.
i only caught 1 prawn in 3 bloody hours, shi fu 1 or 2 ? jiahui & ah gay totally no prawns at all.
shittest day for prawning (if there's such a word)
they went to catch what happen in vegas @ jurong point,
while i went to meet sweetheart to JB for late-night supper & some dvd shopping.
oh yah! the coming-back part at SG custom is always so damned pack even @ 3am in the morning. we got stuck like 1 hr or more. duhz!

3. wanted to spent my saturday at home watching ghost whisperer while waiting for dear to finish work.
but dre's hse was having a surprise party for nicole,
so i got half-invited by jiahui to go and i made her waited for like 1 hr 'cause i wasn't ready.
too short notice. heh heh.
well, so called "anti-social" me brought along my laptop to continue watching the show.
when nicole came, we hid at the staircase & some in the kitchen & tadah!
a surprise party started off with them drowning the bday girl with liquor.
MJ started soon after, and i lost 6 bucks AGAIN.
seems like i got no luck in MJ. only luck in "GANG" "PONG".
HAHA! "GANG" & "PONG" till they can't stand it.
when everything finally ended at 2 plus,
mr "nice" dre wanted to send me hm but lucky him,
cause dear came to fetch me to his hse.
we were supposed to watch the dvds we bought at JB,
but ended up, ghost whispering again.

4. sunday was mother's day.
wanted to bring my mum to The Line for buffet dinner,
but this day isn't a good choice since it's more exp plus packed,
most importantly, i am still not feeling well.
so we shall postpone it but i promise to bring her there someday.
we had a simple steamboat and ended the day.

and the past few days was filled with boredom at work,
quite a relaxed april & may.
gotta enjoy this state of peace before it starts getting busy again.

well, redang's finally near but it's still next friday.
planning a phuket trip but tired of looking for resorts to stay in.
any good recommendation for phuket resorts ?
good & cheap hor!

1st day of school

2008-05-06T23:04:00.002+08:00

yeah its the 1st day of school after years,
and it feels kinda weird.
the class's filled with people from all walks of life,
from young ladies/guys to i-wont-say-old but middle aged women/men.
lucky i got the big bird & huat with me or i think i won't be able to keep my eyes open.
it's fun to have frens travelling to sch together & study together.
well, not exactly studying 'cause they're either looking for girls or crapping nonsense.
HAHA!
but big bird's serious when he copy my notes. LOL!
theory lessons always sucks. always sleepy.

------------

i m still having the nauseous feeling and the appetite's not coming back either yet.

-----------

i am addicted to "Ghost Whisperer" and i think i am watching too much,
till i am having dreams 'bout it.
get scared sometimes but the stories are damn touching can!

you come and go as you please,
like nothing happened.
i probably should take the same approach then.

that feeling sucks.

2008-05-05T21:09:00.004+08:00

it sucks BIG TIME when i am sick.

and when i am really damn sick.

gosh!

my eyes are in a state of blur,
i feel like vomitting now and then,
i can't even walk straight,
and i am still not recovering after so many days of rest & sleep.
i wasted my whole weekend on the bed.

and yes,
it was lucky i could hold it through the bus journey of 45 mins,
and rushed to the nearest toilet
and gave up whatever was in my stomach,
which wasn't much except for some coke & totally no food.
totally have no appetite to eat anything,
nothing appeals.
damn! how should i describe this bloody feeling of being so damn sick.

yeah! i want to DIE!
thats the word..

nobody seems to care,
when all they see from the outside is a girl strong enough to be on her own,
even when she's at her weakest point and will never want to show it.
yet,
those who always seems to be weak on the outside,
gets more care and concern.
Welcome to reality.
where everybody looks only at the outside.

----------------------

i guess when one's sick,
one tends to get emotional easily.
yet,
i don't seem to know you anymore.
i don't feel your concern anymore,
you don't seem to be there anymore.

fallen short

2008-05-02T21:39:00.002+08:00

seems like time has turned back.
what a joke.
the way you smile,
the way you talk,
just makes me turn away.

recuperating at home.
down with fever & everything that comes with it.

just leave me alone.
please...

flu bug

2008-04-30T23:36:00.001+08:00

attack of the flu bug has left me

sick...

weak...

unhappy...

we're drifting apart, know that?

prawning.

2008-04-28T23:20:00.002+08:00

well.

i guess the thing i remember most last week would be prawning on friday night.
went to register for school last friday after work,
then headed down to MDIS with big bird, ah huat, lao lye
& FINALLY get my ass down there to register.
then jia hui called for prawning.

before we headed down,
we had sushi at Cathay's basement,
pretty good except for the fact that i love eating chawanmushi & it cost 3 freaking bucks for 1. =(
the other plates are all 99 cents each but those are really normal sushi,
the more specials one have higher pricing.
nevetheless, we ate to our fill or should i say, over-filling ?

next stop we went down to the driving range @ Sin Ming for long-due prawning
which shi fu owe me since gab flew off that day, REMEMBER ???
but the moment i reach there,
there wasn't much prawns & shi fu caught like 1 or 2 only in 2hrs ?
so i kinda concentrated on my psp till it went flat,
HAHA,
then i started prawning from 10pm- 4am.
gosh! i was already nearly dead by then,
eyes went blur just looking at the float.
JJ, fel & dre came to join us abit later
and fel was so excited when she caught her 1st prawn.
HAHA!
SO FUN!
i caught 15 in total. =D
actually caught 7 within the 1st 2 hrs and after that,
prawns just run away from my lucky rod 17. LOL!
went for super early bfast/supper prata and reach home @ 6am ?
compliments to dre for being so nice to send us all the way back to cck,
kinda unexpected though. LOL!

and yeah,
saturday ended up sleeping the whole freaking day till 7pm.
missed my FTLs and wasted 34 bucks.
damn SHIT! i know.
now my account's empty and i gotta top it up. =(
argh!
DAMN IT! i dont see any final theory test dates near or even available for me.
angry!
idiot BBDC! eat ppl's $$$.
dont attend the 2 stupid lessons,
i dont get to take my evaluation and each lesson costs 17 bucks!
argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways, spent the whole weekend being a nice home girl,
sleeping, eating, watching shows & psping.
gotta enjoy before i start school next tue.

and yes,
i paid up my school fees & im officially bankrupt,
dont date me unless you wanna treat me.
HAHA!
got my timetable,
and next tue is the day...........

doomsday~

rainy days

2008-04-22T22:54:00.004+08:00

Oh yah!!

Did i mention ....

I HATE RAINY WEEKDAYS

because it fcking hell kills the start of my day.

well, didn't mean to be crude,
BUT,

point 1, i get wet and i hate it.

point 2, i need to bring an umbrella, thus, increasing my bag load.

point 3, i never get to take the bus from my house to the interchange 'cause it's packed with school goers.

point 4, even the INTERCHANGE queue for 190 can be as long as 3 long bus's length.
like wth? even if i wake up earlier, i still got to queue and QUEUE and spend time waiting.

and ended up LATE!!!!

if the above 4 points are still not sufficient,
then go to hell!
i HATE SCHOOL KIDS!!!

WHY!!!!

WHY does the 190's route have to have 4 schools ?
WHY does all the school goers like to take bus at the same time!!!!!!!

BASIC THEORY

2008-04-22T22:25:00.003+08:00

it's a good day.

BECAUSE I PASSED MY BASIC THEORY TEST TODAY.

yar lar. i know.
don't hao lian right 'cause it is just starting,
but hey, good start okay!
sweetheart came down with RY to BBDC fetch me and we went for sushi~
dear say i "tok" his $$ never give him $$.
OI! treat it as a encouragement for me passing can!!!

next,
i think i'm gonna get real busy.
'cause i'm going back to school though it's just part time studying.
gonna study at MDIS for the dip first then to the degree if i can cope..
and lucky i got that BA GEY BIG BIRD going to accompany me,
if not it's gonna get bored bored bored.
i wonder how to cope with the busy workload, school & driving.
no $$ le lar.
=(
-----------------

Saturday was supposed to wake up "earlier" for shopping @ vivo with that Lousy Lao Lye
(Eh! rythme sia!)
but woke up like 4 plus in the afternoon,
watched some shows & by the time i'm done,
we met up like 7pm ?
no more shoppingggggg.
so dinner it was @ TCC Cafe and we had real "HOT" Seafood Aglio Olio,
not a bad recommendation but i prefer White Dog's Cafe one.
then we walk awhile,
sitted around @ Starbucks and both of us started playing PSP,
while waiting for time to pass.
what a sight! 2 girls @ Starbucks playing PSP.
finally time was almost up,
and we slowly took a train down to Changi Airport,
and a sky train to Terminal 1
to give our dear gabby a surpise farewell send off.

EEEEEEEEEE gabby!
you better be touched hor!!!
and i want another queen size bed sheet.
HAHA!

Oh yah!
then sweetheart fetch us to chinatown for supper~
frog porridge, my favourite~
my irritating dear always obliges to my requests no matter how worn out from work,
i know lar.
touched lar ok. =)
--------------------

i think i shall continue PSP-ing
and then bed, here i comeeeeeeeeeeee.....

fond memories from the past

2008-04-13T22:37:00.002+08:00

BTBAND. Bukit Panjang Teck Whye Combined Band.

wells. yesterday was SYF 2008 Marching Band Competition.
but there's no longer BTBAND in existence.
still remember i skipped a whole year of band when i was sec 2,
cause i totally hate it in cornet section,
while i felt a sense of belonging in saxo.
though i never liked being under the god-damned sun for hours everyday.
but, the effort was well spent when we got to the field of the competition.
that feeling is somehow so............

cant be defined...

especially when we got Gold.

but well, 2002 was the last of BTBAND,
when 2 schools' principal finally decided to split up,
just because we never managed to win the Best Band award.
and now, all thats left,
is just fond memories...

i miss the old sassy saxo..
and i guess everybody did.

i went to search through youtube for the last combined BTBAND's 2002 SYF Comp.
and yeah, thanks to youtube.

memories start flowing back when i watch these 2 videos.

1. SYF Central Judging of Display Bands 2002- Pre-round

2. SYF Finals

=)

passed

2008-04-10T01:05:00.002+08:00

mich's very happy.

though it's just the basic theory evaluation that i just passed,
it's quite a start for me.
for a lazy person like me to go & start learning driving.

so i shall aim for this year take my license ok!
because dear PROMISED to lend me his car to drive for 1 year
IF i manage to get my license by this year.

i am so gonna aim for it.
be prepared to give me your 2nd wife. HAHA!

basic theory test's 5 May.
better 1 time pass,
get PDL,
start learning practical,
take final theory,
& tadah....

wait for me.............

Alright. Zhou Gong's calling me to accompany him.
i'm so dead beat. *yawn*

pain lar paintball....
people look forward to it while i hope days crawl by slowly bit by bit.

evaluation fear

2008-04-08T23:33:00.002+08:00

gosh! im having my basic theory evaluation tmr.

and i know nuts.

haha. i know i know.
i am very very slow.
i am already like 22?
and i just started taking basic theory,
when everyone else was so excited 'bout taking license the moment they hit 18.

well, last year i registered, attended 2 basic theory lessons,
and drag till this year then i got the mood to start again.

let me see when i will lose the interest again.
i hope not!
i aim HOPEFULLY by this year i can get my license & drive dear's honda civic everywhere.
HAHA!

don't worry. i try not to leave only the tyre for you okay!
i'm going to TRY to finish up this episode of 天机算
and then, its back to memorising those crap signs & answers.

paintball
to go or not ?
i don't want it to become "pain" ball for me..

save me!

birthdays

2008-04-06T20:35:00.007+08:00

last friday, met up with biggy ears for this

and shit! we got scared quite a number of times,
the croc looks real and BIG!i have this phobia of crocs & sharks when i go near the sea,and phobia of snakes in the forest! absolutely gross. but yet, i enjoy catching this kind of shows. HA..contradicting.

and after movie,
we had suki sushi for dinner and finally got the chance to gossip non-stop. HAHA!
been busy leading each other's life and somehow it's so fun to catch up with each other once awhile.

--------------------

yesterday's quite a happening day lined up with non-stop programmes.
firstly,

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY to fang!

busy lady had to entertain lots of guests from relatives to friends of all walks,
so the rest of us self-entertain ourselves with cam-whoring & playing with lil' charlene,

so let the flim start rolling...
introducing the star.
so cute right!

here's felicia, the real mummy and kooch at the back again~

then gab's turn to cheat lil' charlene into taking photos

and kooch, who just cant seem to be able to carry her but this is a great shot.

"family shot"

then cam-whoring starts.

my b.a.n.a.n.a always

felicia; me ; xinyi

here's kooch! i can stand really straight!

and gabby who always give this constipated look whenever we take photo.

felicia and me again~

oh finally.. the birthday girl is here for a last photo before i leave.

and finally, a group photo !

----------
went off at around 10 to head to Crystalbelle for big bird's birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BIRD BA GEY GARY TAN WEI AN!!
by the time i reach there, he was already being sabotaged to drink!
HAHA!
this is call RETRIBUTION!!!
when i reach there, he was already sucking this thing with a fake breast attached to it.
and it was actually eggs, chivas & no idea what else inside that can
and he's supposed to finish drinking it.
which he didn't finish it and so punishment was to drink 6 secs of chivas.

he barely made it pass 2 seconds. and the floor + my slippers kenna the chivas.
off to the toilet he ran,
shit! by the time i reach, i could only take this.
align="center">
but nvm, here's his punishment.

to drink up 2 eggs in a glass.

after that, he got to compensate for his last 3 seconds so,

he had to choose someone to pour for him, which we all agreed on using the song to decide.

meaning he will be covered like this (ewww~ thats his vomit on the paperbag)

and his hands will have the remote control, song will be playing and when he press pause, the person holding the mic will be the one to pour the chivas down his throat.

this guy's really eager sia.

HAHA! this is my successor!

and oh yah, in between while waiting for him to start,

we girls took some photos

--------------------------

left this place at around 1130pm with dre with shin & jiahui coming there and fetch me,and headed to PS for this

it's quite a nice show really.
but i think i was really drowsy from the medicine that i keep wanting to fall asleep.
the show's 'bout a guy who had repeated failed romance,
and keep going back to the same girls over and over again.
and yes, there's a happy ending.

--------------

No 330

2008-04-03T00:13:00.002+08:00

post no. 330

slept my way through today. on mc.
always love to visit my family doc @ Keat Hong near my house,
'cause he's always nice and friendly unlike Doc Foo @ shang,
and everytime i go there,
it means i'll be able to buy my favourite fruit rojak from an old uncle who's another nice guy.

and i just threw away 10 over bucks of practice & my evaluation test for my basic theory,
HAHA.
i forgot it was yesterday.
and now i'm going to re-book again.
but hey,
the only dates i could book for my basic theory is in mid-june.
what the hell!

12 plus again and i can't get to sleep 'cause i slept my way through today remember ?
so now i'm trying my best to upload all the photos to my multiply for the past few months.
shall post up the links once it's done.

april's fooling me

2008-04-01T23:47:00.003+08:00

oh yah!

before the clock hits 12,

happy april fool!

and a real happy birthday to kee gay who so happens to be born on this very day 22 years ago,
though i wished him like heaven knows how many times,
and said sorry like dont know how many times,
because he has became the victim of .............
but damn that andre,
keep scolding me.
like he became the victim last time also because of me.

haii. my fault lar.
i really feel bad lar!
my sincere apologies.
haha.
can't help but laugh.

1st of every month

2008-04-01T23:26:00.002+08:00

tired.

pissed off.

tired.

very pissed off...

feeling sooo sick....

feeling sooooo shitty..

-----------

how i hate every 1st of the month!
it's probably my worst nightmare,
even worse than my "great grand auntie" visiting me every month,
'cause it's month end closing.
the pressure everybody puts on you,
like you don't finish early, everybody gotta stay back because of YOU kind of feeling.
stress level went to the top of my head today.
and i lost it.
yes, i lost my temper finally.
i believe temper's got better, and i mean ALOT better than bqt days,
when i had to handle nonsensical part-timers with whole load of shit excuses,
but at least there was room for venting out the fustrations,
and now ?
i got endless shit calls from high-end guests who thinks they are either some country's king or queen,
acting as though i'm their servant,
and damn, i can't scold them back.
nvm.
i HOLD it back.... for now........

-----------

activities last week.
- sat's movie @ Cathay. The Orphanage. pretty touching at the end i would say.
- sun's kee gay's pre-bday celebration.
dinner @ Whampoa & KTV @ Crystalbelle.
1 word to describe. shag.
and i did something so terribly wrong. haha.
such a BIG mistake. sorry man!

okay.
the sick girl's gonna watch some korean show & get to bed real soon.

dinner near chomp chomp

2008-03-24T22:43:00.002+08:00

well..

i'm still so gonna rant that i want REDANG~!
right lao lye?
should we start planning to go before it's monsoon season again ?

--------------

mondays.
i always hate mondays, as a matter of fact, every weekday that i've to work. =(
today's even worse 'cause my "great grand auntie" came for her monthly visiting,
and who knows how long she's gonna stay.

kervin's back, jia hui's back and syl's back to sg like finally,
finally pick up the phone to ring me up and the initial plan was Sky of Love,
but due to late timings,
we went for dinner instead.
Chomp Chomp was the place,
but it's closed.
so it was dinner with kervin, jiahui, shin, zw, syl & kai liang @ another place nearby,
food's kinda sucks but well, it's the companionship that counts.
and while eating, everybody's eyes was stuck to the tv,
the "yi fang ban ting yi gang shui" or something like that lar.
chop chop finish dinner, all headed home 'cause everybody's tired.
jia hui's double lid was done in bangkok,
and she say it's not painful. i can hardly believe it.
maybe i should go do it too! make my eyes bigger like a little bit bigger ?
you all better stop laughing. haha!

alright. gonna continue my episode 15 of 惡作劇2吻 and off to bed.
poor dear's going outfield tmr.
take care of yourself! i know you're reading!
loves. =)

redang

2008-03-24T00:24:00.002+08:00

well. my dumb's sis back from redang.

my all-time favourite island in the world for now, 'cause i have not been to other islands YET.
triggers my memories of that lovely island with our fun-loving lifeguard friends.
how i miss them so much.
went through the photos of redang trips (3 in fact) in 2007.

we promised to go back there but we didn't say when.
we had 1 life guard each, but there's only lik & mat yee left in laguna.
harry went over to another resort while kelvin's migrated to some cowboy country.
thing's are no longer the same even if we go back now,
but the memories still live vividly in my mind.

i can still remember clearly...

the white sand's that is so soft to touch,

the blue clear sea that we could look through so easily,

the blue sand at night that sparkles,

the stars in the sky while we lie down on the high rocks,

running around and they carrying us around,

they bringing us for night snorkelling,

the small hills we climbed with their help,

the wan tan hor (our sg hor fun can't compare lar),

they leading us, holding our hands and protecting us while snorkelling and ignoring the other ppl,

mat yee catching the sea turtle for us to touch,

looking around for reef sharks,

and so many many other things.....

i miss them SO much really.
i bet the other girls do too! right ? biggy ears & lao lye sure do!

------------------------

dear! you better don't get jealous!
and take care of yourself when you go out-field this week!
don't be a weak ass ar!
loves.

long long ago

2008-03-23T14:55:00.002+08:00

yes. i disappeared again from this small little world of mine after i came back from bangkok.

and after weeks and weeks,
i finally come back to blog for a lil while before i get back to my hectic busy busy life.

(photos not uploaded yet),
i got lots and lots of photos not yet uploaded. sorry.....

events that took place for the past few weeks.

-bangkok trip for 4 days 2 3 nights
had fun shopping around bangkok, getting "tok" for taxi & lighter.
chatuchak market, MBK, siam paragon, pratunam market, platinum mall.
baiyoke sky hotel for chill-out session on the 83rd floor with fantastic night view of bangkok,
baiyoke buffet dinnner that kinda sucks on the 82nd floor.
everything's cheap cheap cheap except for their branded stuffs like adidas & puma.

- sweetheart's 25th birthday celebration @ The Line on 14th Mar
my dear's getting OLDER & OLDER. mid-twenties liao lor. haha.
but no worries, 'cause i still love you so lar.
it was quite a last min thing as baby's having reservist, so there was only 6 of us, as the rest was working.
sweetheart, me, my dumb sis, lao lye, biggy ears & her new personal trainer bf, wayne.
an armani exchange belt for his present, haha, but he say its too big so gotta punch more holes.
then we wanted to watch movie, but the timings was too late so we gave up the idea.

- the next day met up with dear, duckie, jolynn, hilman & ah bian for rule #1.
not really a must see show. after the show, we even saw gabby & EJ they all about to watch their show.
then we went to shang to pick up my dumb sis, chel chel & ah chua,
and headed off the geylang for my all-time favourite frog porridge & durian!

- last sunday we spent the whole day walking in sim lim to DIY my dumb sis' desktop.
leg was breaking.

- weekdays spent working & working.
finish work, go home watch the tv serials i downloaded, sleep for 4 hrs.
thats my daily boring routine.
i've finished watching 鬥牛，要不要 & now watching 惡作劇2吻 halfway.
the dvd addict in me is back. whenever i start watching shows, i'll lose contact with the world.
i'll rather stay at home than go out. LOL.

- yesterday after work, met up with XY, alvin, biggy ears, wayne and sweetheart.
we went to New York New York @ AMK Hub.
boy! it was so crowded.
the 3 guys had whole chicken while i had aglio olio, biggy ears had spaghetti with GIANT meatballs and XY had spare ribs. LOL!
then after dinner while we had time to spare, we went to arcade and played the street basketball machine. it was SO fun competing with each other. HAHAHA. and my legs was aching from tip-toeing too much, hand's so tired from throwing & throwing. our record was 373. LOL!
and the movie of the day is spiderwick chronicles.
which is a must- see must-see show okay!
i love the part the house goblin says: you die! i die! we all bye bye!
haha. the laughter in the cinema was so loud.

ok. i'm done blogging. gotta continue my stuffs. bye... =)

all in a mess

2008-02-27T23:55:00.002+08:00

my nails are in a mess

my work's in a mess

my sleeping hours are in a mess

my body's in a mess.

conclusion: i'm in a TOTAL mess..

----------------------

i finally resolved all the bangkok issues,
and got cheap deals by endlessly searching online.
Thai Airway Tix for "Ba Gei" Gary= $279 including taxes ok!
Booked Baiyoke Suite Hotel for $369 for a triple occupancy deluxe suite room. 3 nights!
considered cheap i guess, have a living room & a bedroom but it's said to be old from forums.
but well, cheap what, what to do!
SO looking foward to it, 'cause i can get away from work and rest for days.......
1st march! i'm COMING~~~~~
----------------------

past weekend was quite happening.
start rolling with friday night,
finished work at like 11 plus,
went to kervin's hse for MJ session with him, jia hui & zw.
must be the itchness for MJ made me lose my mind,
'cause i was working on saturday morning still.
SO, we played till 4 plus in the morning,
went home to bath & straight to work.
i was half-sleeping throughout 'cause i was damn freaking tired!

thought i might be able to slip home & sleep for a while before meeting sweetheart for movie,
but, it's manjit's baby girl's 1st month,
so we headed down to his house at pasir ris after i went to DFS to shop with my colleagues,
bought a Coach bag for 484 bucks. haha! think i'm going crazy!
but i love it soooooooooo much.
back to the baby girl's 1st month,
it was like a children gathering with the children of XY, Ali & Azlin running around.
LOL!
but i fell asleep on the comfy sofa while watching You Fu on the tv.
too lack of sleep man.
then we headed to AMK Hub to watch jumper with XY & Alvin,
which is a rather nice show, fantastic!
but before that, we had New York New York for dinner,
and man, the serving was HUMONGOUS~~~~~
really!!! i'm not lying! i have photos to prove,
but it's in my phone, no time to upload yet.
we totally couldn't finish our food, but the mushroom soup there is very NICE!
i think i shall be going there for meals often.

as for sunday, woke up around 10am, preparing to go sentosa,
and the weather was great to the point of being too hot.
there was me, my dumb sis, ah bian, sweetheart douglas, hilman, gary & wee huat.
we were practically playing nonsense,
piggy backing each other in the water, playing captain ball, volley ball.
and we went to play the sky ride & luge 3 times...
it was a fun filled sunday. but yet another tiring day.
we ended the day with dinner @ White Dog Cafe at Vivo,
which is another VERY nice cafe, great ambience, great food!
Esp the steak! YUMMY! DELICIOUS~
took lots of photos for the day throughout on my camera,
shall load it up once i'm more free.

work has been hectic as usual,
just more hectic 'cause it's the last week of the month,
since 2 weeks ago, i've been going home practically only after 10pm everyday,
which is a total torture,
but no choice,
just a few more days and i can finally rest.
damn it! this sat's my off day and i'm flying to bangkok,
BUT, i still gotta go back work in the morning 'cause it's MONTH END CLOSING.
Every 1st of the month, i HATE IT. =(

time check, its already 12.15am.
and i just finished my super late dinner,
i better get to bed soon,
or my panda eyes wont open.
nights everybody.

p.s. Banana, see ? the blogging craze is still around, but time constraint lah...
haha. don't even have time to sleep & eat lor.

broke down

2008-02-21T23:21:00.002+08:00

yes.

i finally broke down yesterday.

the stress level was up to my neck till i could hardly breathe.

everybody's was pressing me for their things,
without even a fucking care of how much work i've to do.
i've been trying SO hard to finish whatever work that started piling up since CNY break,
but the work never stop coming in,
the phone can't stop ringing,
the people from the hotel just couldn't stop bugging me.

work's such a F**K!!!

i really feel like screaming out loud, and i really mean LOUD.
but i couldn't, and ended up tears started to flow.
just 3 months into the job and i'm already starting to have doubts whether i could handle even more pressure.
after much comforting from my colleagues and they offered to share parts of my burden,
which i dont feel like asking for help 'cause they have tons of work to do first,
but they insisted.
glad to have such nice colleagues.

----------------------

today 21 Feb's quite a happening day.
my mgr went for lasik surgery,
syl went for some nose surgery,
and today's biggy ear's TP.
hope for the 1st 2 people to have a good rest,
and sadly, biggy ears still can't drive me around,
'cause she failed. well, just unlucky.
tio a fierce tester and the lousiest test route.
nvm, the next one's 22nd May. 3 more months to go, Buck Up!! Jia You!!

---------------------

I finally have some home-cooked food today since ages.
Have been eating hokkien mee or carrot cake for this whole week except tues,
everyday go ta bao @ sunshine place till i'm getting sick & tired of outside food.

---------------------

bangkok trip's been pushed earlier to 1st-4th Mar.
No choice, my free tix (cheated my feelings, FREE my ass, still have to pay extra for airport tax one) couldn't be used for the return flight on the 9th,
apparently it was school holiday. Duhz~
So no choice.
have been searching online everywhere for service apartment there that's cheap,
but to no avail.
So i guess i've to choose shang in the end for ranging from 45-75 USD,
didn't know there's a policy change to the staff discount,
no longer 45 USD for below 95%.
i hope i'll be able to confirm everything by monday.
HAHA! Why am i always planning for a trip 1 week before?
LOL! Amazing how i can put everything together in 1 week.

------------------------

alrights. i gotta sleep. super lack of sleep. O_O
already having panda eyes.

photos! On V Day. As promised ar, Kervin!

starting off with displays by Jacky WUuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

then followed by the lovey dovey couple who wore couple shirts that day.

Nonsense!

and finally the girls, had a hard time editing the darker photo.
but well, please make do. =)

--------------------------

anybody interested in bags from taiwan ?
shin leng's website is up.
do visit http://www.bagbar.blogspot.com/ =D

------------------------

Love rachel's blog song.
"That's when i love you"

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to sayT
hats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly
And when you're mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn,
The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
WhenI love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you,
I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn,
The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn,
The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what...................

sakura reunion dinner

2008-02-19T23:13:00.004+08:00

First of all,

My Dear B.A.N.A.N.A, i'm not over the blogging craze just YET.

just that i was packed last weekend and busy working this week.

Let's see, my weekdays are usually packed with work every SINGLE day,
and my weekend's getting more interesting compared to last time thanks to the gang,
who never fails to look more new activities Except for last week.

Last saturday woke up really late, 'cause i work till bloody 12am on friday. -.-"

And, we went to Chel's hse as planned at night to "bai nian" and as usual, i forgot its still CNY,
so i forgot to bring oranges yet AGAIN. but come to think of it, think everybody also forgot.
i guess my only thoughts was another gambling session and the last one before CNY officially ends.
From losing > winning 70 bucks > no win no lose in the end.
well, probably won a few bucks.
at least never lose. Ha!
ended up sleeping at 5am in the morning again.

So sunday as usual slept till 4 plus in the afternoon,
slacked around psping while my dumb sis watch some jap anime version of "Journey to the West",
OK lah, quite entertaining lah. abit stupid lah. but still watch-able, happy JOANNE NEO?
then both of us headed to jolynn sis's house to remove our fake nails,
and i had manicure done on my real nails.
think i shall be going there often for more manicure sessions... =D

Monday was Hell with a capital H for me,
work just keep piling up up up.
and i work till 12am.
that explains the lack of blogging.
SO busy with work. =(

and today, went to the Sakura Restaurant for our IA, AR & Credit CNY reunion dinner,
it's a yearly thing from what i heard,
and it's chermaen & colin's treat!! =D
And i must say the food's not bad,
there's soups, sushi, salad, teppanyaki (not hot one), some hot food & very nice desserts.
Esp the durian puff, it's FANTASTICCCCCCCCCCCC!!!
but too bad, by the time i ate it, my stomach was only left with 2 durian puffs space.
Sad! couldn't eat more 'cause my stomach seems like going to burst anytime soon.
Well, i had 3 bowls of soup right at the start, thats why. LOL!
The price's quite reasonable, 'bout 28 nett per pax.
Next time shall go there again.

valentine's day

2008-02-14T23:48:00.003+08:00

just reach home after spending this year's valentine with the gang.

gab came and fetch me after meeting dumb dumb sis & jo lye.
and i fell asleep after a while of playing psp,
'cause it was damn JAMMED on PIE.
and waking up 3 times, i realised gabby got LOST 3 times,
well, didn't count those times i was still sleeping.
So, we finally reach our destination @ Gallop Stable located at pasir ris after 1 hour.
HAHA! 1 hour leh, gab!!! what happened to your super speeding skills! LOL!

and yeah, it was intended as a SURPRISE as per him,
so i didn't bring my camera along
& best of all, i was wearing skirt,
and we went pony-riding. -.-"
had to take the jacket to cover the skirt area just IN CASE.
finally after pony-riding, we ate our dinner at 10plus.
well, the food wasn't that fantastic but it was quite okay!
we waited for the food for quite long, so in the meantime,
shi fu, jia hui, rachel & me started meddling around with my phone camera functions
and started taking funny photos!
shall upload when i'm free. HA!
had a good laugh at the guys' jokes & had our group photo taken.
but its either in zw or syl's camera,
'cause EE brought his camera WITHOUT memory card.
HAHA!
shall get the photos from them.
As i get older, i do realise valentine's not only for couples,
celebrating with friends is another nice way to spend this day.
and of cause petty boy i'm not saying i dont like to celebrate with you. =D

haven't been feeling well for the past few days.
the stomach area feels like awkward after that day of wine-ing with jia hui they all.
just ate my pain-killer prescribed by that lousy doctor FOO aka FOOL
always hate seeing him but no choice,
he's the hotel's doctor.
get too highly paid to say he've no idea whats wrong with me. duhz!

right now, i guess petty boy's still working and probably till 2am.
so i shall go to bed after some psp-ing.
got addicted to the quest puzzle,
whereby you've to match 3 gems together to defeat the mobs and go on quests.

good night everybody.