Tuesday, May 31, 2005
hmmm.. i think RY hse is becoming my 2nd home. always go there n stay over use comp.
and somebody have been scolding me fer not going home whenever they know im at RY hse.
if he really care so much, i wont be what i am today....
Someone (girl) says im rough and speaks vulgarities so often.. though i dont care about what others say, i am still thinking.. wad has it got to do with her ? hmp! at least im being myself, not like her.. Act Act only..
going back to km8 to collect my pay!! finally.. but VERY little money. not even enough to clear my debts.. haii..
alright.. back to downloading songs..
i just love shooting somebody. i mean in terms of words.. =P
Sunday, May 29, 2005
i wonder
i wonder about this
i wonder about that
i wonder who check out my blog.. and see me blog about my boring life. i wonder if he's reading this. im ignoring him now. am i.. i guess so.. maybe i should just tell him that we should stop talking for the time being..
i feel like a total loser. keep telling myself to forget him. but never been able to do so.. why is it guys can just love at this second and change totally the next min.. their feelings changes so fast that i never seems to be able to catch up..
im fine. im sad. im angry.. and im emotionally gone.
alright... went to meet jojo and the rest yesterday at bugis. didnt want to go at first. cus i didnt feel like seeing him. BUT still... he came though he din wan to come at first... went to CINE to play pool. as usual... i was bored..
then went to meet iz and the rest. bought movie tix be4 heading to MONSTER CUE and POOL again! nothing special.. BUT... "SI" IZ pinch me until i cried... *Sob* but i bite him first.. so fair. though we had cold war when we were walkin frm Monster to Cine. but after the movie, we were ok again...
watched "DOWNFALL".. about the downfall of Hitler. DUMB history show.. i hate it.. so fuckin long .. 3 hrs.. made me fell aslp... this kind of show is wad iz likes... and the rest was so restless.. either toking or laughing or sleeping.. lol..
reach home @ 5 plus.. sleep till 12 plus den wake up liao..
oh man.. im gettin lesser n lesser sleep.. and i dont know why.. haii... doesnt seem to be able to sleep well... haiii...
Friday, May 27, 2005
went ta Recruit Express with jojo yesterday to look for jobs. hmmm.. maybe we can get the job for Starhub Customer Care Centre. contract based. but no choice. gotta have a job.
after that, we met nic and went for lunch @ Ajisen. next up, we went to look @ cakes at Marriott. BUT, we couldnt resist the temptation. and jojo bought a fruit tart for me.. haha.. *yummy* too bad i din take a picture of it..
went to meet iz at his house be4 heading to toa payoh lor 8 to makan. den to mac n see them study. . -.-" sibei sian lor.
THEN, Shangri-La Hotel Singapore(the stupid working place).. went there to wait for RY they all finish work. saw tt bitch in the office but i couldnt be bothered with her. act cute bitch. so wad if ur tits are big. doesnt make a diff. awww~ im so bad. but i cant care less..
supposed to finish watchin with ms congenality 2. BUT, i kip getting distracted by CO. haha.. cant help but play. i want to lvl up faster. im even lazy to blog becus of CO. but now becus i dont have to move at all, therefore im here blogging.
OH YA~!!! my blisters burst.. n i was walking barefooted on my way back frm RY hse jux now. bleeding becus the plaster came off and the heels was brushing against the blister.. *Sob* *sob* so fucking pain! no one pity me ? den i pity myself.. haha..
y do some people always like to lie to me. say ok but in the end still not ok. hmp! i hate liars. people who break promises. people who were said ok to ans my qn but din even bother to repli. COWARD~!!!! y do i have to know this kind of guy. =(
alright.. back to playing CO..
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
im tired. yesh i am.
usual mood swings. but today is different. i totally didnt tok much at all. just dont feel right. dont feel good.
cus today is the day. 25 May 2005. exactly 1 yr ago, i fell in love with him.
exactly 1 yr later, i feel like clearing up things with him. but he still avoids. haii..
enuff of the emotional issues..
watched Star Wars- Revenge of the Sith just now. well. somehow already know the story. wasnt very interesting esp when i had to sit in such an uncomfortable position. neck was breaking.
now im going back to stoning.
slept enuff. ate full full.. went ta JB and eat.. hee =P yummy.
and now im at RY hse again~
lemme recall wad happen at this yr chalet.
on the first day, me and jojo went to collect the cake. and carried the CD player plus present and deco to the chalet. checked in at 2 plus. checked out the surrounding and then start pumping ballons.. oh man. damned it tired by the time we finish. and my neck was aching like hell after that.. but after finishin with the deco. we felt a sense of accomplisment. lol. 2 gurls did all tt. and we took pictures to show our master piece. we managed to finish at 4 plus be4 going to cheers to buy some drinks and chips. bobby and kenny was the 1st ppl who came after us. followed by the FR ppl den Ej's classmates. cut the cake at 11 plus.
and then.. WAR STARTED!!!!
Whip cream everywhere~ waterbombs out. as usual, not much ppl were spared. except those idiots who hide FAR FAR. -.-"
then all settled down and start bathing and cleaning up the room. after everyone bathed, DRINKING started. Vodka and XO. and as usual, i was drunk.. BUT, no more swimming k. im not the "YONG HOU" k jojo and zw!! slept at 5 or 6 plus in the morning i think. woke up at 12 plus ba. den we went to Wild Wild Wet. played the whole day. and yes. i was being drowned by the guys who keep flipping my float over and over.
the result = My ears are stuck! Bruises all over! Aching all over!
Third day which if today, i went off just a lil earlier with syl. he had to go sch. and i was the only one staying in the west. so hitched the ride. dropped at NP becus i just rem that today was the 1st day of sch. met up with iz and the 2 lionels plus raphael. ate lunch and smoke be4 taking a cab home. freakin tired when i reach home. but couldnt help but on the comp and checked mails all that. slept after that and woke up at 7plus at nite. and went jb to eat and buy cigg. hee.
So now im here at RY hse blogging. im going to zZz soon. then meet jojo at np later at 12pm.
wOOo~ long entry. another memorable chalet experience... =) photos up soon!
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
alright. i just got back from ej's chalet and im dead beat.
so i gotta rest then get the chalet photos from jojo though its not alot. then POST!!! hahaa...
im out~
Saturday, May 21, 2005
YeaHOo~ im going over to jojo's hse later.
just had my lunch.
hmmm.. **thinking** why am i blogging now ? dont seem to have anythin to blog eh.
nvm. i shall blog a VERY long entry on wad happened at ej's chalet just like last yr.
oh. its been a year. wad a long year.
yah yah yah. the memories are floating back. but i will push it down.
no more guys who seems to be paiseh when he stand or sit with me whenever his friends are around . makes me feel that embarassing him. hmp! no more cowards!
now im thinking what the hell i need to bring to chalet. clothes and whatever shyt. sian ah.
Till we meet again~ after the chalet. haha..
Friday, May 20, 2005
im so sleeeeepppppyyyyy.. *yawnx*
actually im quite lazy to blog. but then i feel obligated to rant here. lol
yesterday in the afternoon meet my dear jojo to shop for chalet stuffs. bought a LOT of things man. then went over ta ej hse see him play CO.
met iz n the rest at Kooichi's hse. watched House of Wax already. well. i wonder why i like ta watch horror shows ? just for the thrill of the scary scenes ? hmmm.. i dont know. horror movie actually sucks when the storyline is stupid. played CO until my eyes couldnt even open.
finally now im blogging at home. my oh my. home sweet home.
and the idiotic me filled with stupidity left my ear piece at KC hse. -.-" utterly sian 1/2. hmp! tt will only mean tt i gotta take my hp ear piece everywhere in order to stuff my ears with MuSic~
oh man. they are going to Cyber dome for Battle of Middle Earth. too bad im too tired. and im going to jojo hse tml for stayover. so i dont feel like going. my eyes can hardly open.
i wanna find another job. perhaps a full time one. although the daily same old routine will kill me. i'll die of boredom. well. its kinda embarrassing now to say im being KICKED by ta ASS by tt damned it SP. good riddance of the Biggest Slacker in SP. haha. oh man. pity me. im actually contradicting myself. i feel both happy AND angry + sad.
Happy that i dont have to study for the time being.
Angry that im being kicked out.
Sad that all my friends except jufri is still studyin at SP. oh well. lucky there's KC in the same shyt as me. at least im not alone in this whole dumb thing. well. i know i know. blame it on me. the bad bad me. who dont go school. who dont like tests. who dont like this and that. and ME who dont like to suck up to those damned it lecturers.
fuck it.. i dont even know whether i need to go back to tt damned it school to fill the dumb withdrawal form not. they dont even bother to send me a mail or whatever shyt. wad kinda sucky school is that man. hmp! i agree with wad KC says. if they bother to kick us out, den dont ask us to go back to sch and fill the Form. trying to bring back the fact right to our FACE that we r being KICKED OUT ? hmmm..
haha. oh man. im so bad. so many "damned it" and this and that. i think im feelin very pissed with School nowadays eh. haha.
whatever's the case. i shall wait. wait till ej's chalet is over be4 i think abt all this. be4 tt happens, i shall enjoy myself first. and then, im going to look for a job.
pity me! scold me! whatever~ Just leave me alone.
Cheers to ME Michelle Neo Xin Ying being such a bitch and pain in the ass. wahahahaha.
im MAD~
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
this is like the 2nd day im staying at home. i shall make a record of staying at home the next few days too. so my record will be 4 days straight at home.
i dont know what to do. what to say. and whatever. i can watch vcd till i need the tissue box by my side in order to soak the tissue with my tears. its been long ever since i did this.
im feeling real down. yet its not because of him anymore. whenever i see couples so happily in the drama serials, i just tell myself they are just acting. in real life, there's hardly such things. is it a way to comfort myself. i dont know and i dont want to know.
iz they all should be at jb now. but they will be back by tomorrow. so i wont miss them that much.
decided not to continue working at holiday inn cus its too boring. in the meantime, i shall look for other jobs. and continue workin at km8. haii..
once in while, i blamed everything around me. i blame myself. why am i such a person who dont know how to treasure the things around me. why am i such a person who never seems to see the good things around me. im always so persistent on things or people that is just dreams.
one by one.. guys come into my life and leave not long after. i just blame myself for not treasuring. i only know that i should re-organise my emotions and feelings now. i just need to be freed from everything.
i have already been tortured enough for the past 1 yr.
lessons learnt. tears dropped. heart broken.
now i really need to breathe again. discover the small little things that makes my life more meaningful. i want to start all over. but i cant seem to find the way out.
im indulging in a world of mystery. a world i dont even know whether its mine or not.
i keep wondering how i will feel if a good friend of mine died. i think i will really break down. then again, i think what will happen if one day im the one who died. where will i go ? what will my friends be doing ? maybe i think a lil too much.
since im the independent michelle. thats what i will be.
emotions overwhelming me. depression taking over me. Quietness surrounds me.
Just leave me alone. Let me think alone.
i covered my ears. oblivious to the outside world. closing myself to my room. sleeping by day through. indulge in the miracle of music healing me. as well as bringing up all the sad memories.
The sky will always be blue even if my world collapse. The world still moves on.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
didnt had much sleep yesterday. having cramps the whole night which is so terrible.
anyway. din went ta work today. just din feel like it. and with the cramps.. i dont think i want to suffer the whole day.
BAH~! im so god-damned bored.
Ej's chalet is coming.. this coming sunday. saturday im going to stay over @ jojo's hse. yeah~ been real long ever since i step in seng kang. bleah. still thinking what to get for ej.
= Lyrics - Breathe Again =
Have you wondered how it feels when its all over
Wonder how it feels, when u just have to start anew
Never knowing where you going
when u face a brand new day
And use to be that way
now i just close my eye and say
i just wanna breathe again
learn to face the joy and pain
discover how to laugh a litte, cry a little
live a little more
i just wanna face the day
forget about the woes of yesterday
maybe if i hope a little
try a little more
i'll breathe again
starting out again is never easy
disappointments come and go
but life still goes on
With a bit of luck
It’s a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don’t wanna live on life's replay
Things will work out fine
If you can fine the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn
this song is absolutely wonderful. totally describes what i should do..
Monday, May 16, 2005
quarrelled with my dad yesterday over my studies after he saw my results slip. after talking a while, started to quarrel. he's just so unreasonable. he always think tt he's right. always saying that i learn all kind of bad things from work. WTF lor.
so in order to relax, went out to eat with ray yee at bedok. den went to hougang to find foo wen n his gf. well.. as usual, he's beaten up by me. my hand itchy lah. too long nv beat liao. .wahahha. felt better after eating so much and beating FW so much.
but i was late for work today. 1st day at holiday inn is soooooo boring lor.. no friends workin there and steven is always busy. haii.. finished work at 7. walked around town on my own for a while. din noe what to do. but finally decided to go RY hse. so now here i am, bloggin as usual.
when i was walking ard orchard, i thought of alot. alot which i find no point blogging here. all my friends are here n there. those with bf are always with their bf.. buy 1 get 1 free.. thinking back, never once, i will meet them without their bf.. haii.. nothing to say man.
now im tired. tired of everything. everything just drains my energy. tomorrow yet is another lonely day of working. another day of learning this and that. haii.
y is life so boring. my life is really getting very simple. simple life of working. my friends seems to be missing.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
HapPy biRthDay BoBby thE dRunkArd~
well.. jonathan kinda had a celebration yesterday at Sparks. -.-" i noe. i noe wad u all r going to say. but the ultimate choice is his decision. had fun dancing, drinking, blah blah blah. all was alright. until police came n check IC. which is such a spoilsport. and our birthday boy drink until he drunk liao. pretty tired taking care of him.
went ta work be4 going Sparks so was quite tired already. work was ok. at least there are more people than i saw on mon tue n fri.
came up with a decision. and tt means i'll work at holiday inn as clerk for weekdays while workin at km8 during the weekends if im free..
maybe goin to jb to eat later. im hungry for the food over there. very long nv eat the food there liao. becus i couldnt find my bloody passport. but now ? i noe whr it is and im going to take it n keep it.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
steven tay called me just now. to ask me to go holiday inn and work for him as adminstrator.
well.. im thinking of the offer. kinda good huh. im the only one. and im more familiarised with admin issues. so maybe i will agree ? the pay may not be good but at least, i dont have to suffer and i dont have to walk around like hell..
hmmm.. discuss with jojo later and see how. most probably i will decide on leavin km8 ?
km8 is cool. fun and wadever. but i got to suffer under the sun whereby my skin n body cant take the pressure.
so holiday inn.. im comin~
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
what your birthday means"
Your birth on the 20th day of the month adds a degree of emotion, sensitivity, and intuition to your reading. The 2 energy provided here is very social, allowing you to make friends easily and quickly. Yet you are apt to have a rather nervous air in the company of a large group. You have a warmhearted nature and emotional understanding that constantly seeks affection. You are very prone to become depressed and moody, as emotions can turn inward and cause anxiety and mental turmoil.It can be hard for you to bounce back to reality when depression sets in. When things are going well, you can go just as far the other way and become extremely affectionate.
well.. kinda true..
wanna have a try ?
yesterday nite after i reach hm, i bath n eat den went to 302 to mit the 2 stupid piglets and K, RY n YH.
took a cab to RY hse and they started to play mahjong as usual.. -.-" lucky thing i brought Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. great book.
but as usual, i fell aslp. and when i wake up. im achin all over as usual. my neck and hips are breaking. n im reminded i carried crates of Corona.. tired.
now im sneezing and my throat have been sore since yesterday. which sucks SOOO much.. haii..
now im still at RY hse.. bloggin as usual. slackin n restin. too tired to walk. too tired to do anythin else.
i wonder if i continue workin, will i be as tired everyday ?
anw. KN says she mayb poppin by on fri for her sch camp thingy which is good. cus i wun be bored ?
did i mention tt she says tt House of Wax is nice ? making her legs go jelly ? wow wow wow. tts the show i want to watch man. haha.. sun i m goin to watch it. haha.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
im so freaking tired. but nvm. i still blog.
yesterday was the 1st day i start work @ km8.
maybe im too used to the fast pace in shang ah. so thats y i so stupid. walk here walk there see got things to do not. -.-"
now my feet's getting blisters and i cant walk straight or even walk tt much. or i will go NUTS man.
phew~ finally tomorrow i get to rest my poor legs. let them rest for 2 days before chionging work from fri to sun.
well.. iz says he n my kor they all will be dropping by on fri so make sure they do wad they say.
amanda's coming on sun with her frens... =) very good. i wun be so bored.
yesterday walk like mad. today slack like hell cus it's RAINING~ yipPee! walk and sit. walk n sit. sibei slack man.
anw saw Sheryl/Cheryl Fox yesterday. they were doin some fliming at km8. so i want to say: Y do ppl look pretty when they r on tv. ans is the good technology n makeup eh. cus she's not as pretty as she is on tv..
im going to bath now n mit meiyun to go to ray yee's hse n have some dvd marathon.. haha..
Sunday, May 08, 2005
been sleeping the whole day. rainy day is the best day for Sleepers like me who just dont want to get my bum outta the bed.
oh man. its getting boring to blog about our daily life.
well.. finally done with meiyun's blog since im so freaking free today.
changed my blog skin yesterday and edited it today. very satisfied now. =)
tomorrow's going to be our 1st day working @
km8!!! check it out!
let's hit the beach baby! rawk on bitch !
beach life im coming!
though i dont feel like saying bye bye to my fair skin~
Saturday, May 07, 2005
actually i have no idea whether its mother's day today or tomorrow. went for mother's day dinner jus now. its been damn long (maybe from CNY till now) ever since i last saw my relatives.
BUT. i wouldnt like to see my small cousins shoutin at the top of their voice. i dont think i will want to have alot of children next time. they r sOOO noisy. OMG~!! my small cousins(all my 2nd uncle's children).. mainly 3-4 boys, jump ard everywhere and the noise they make is enough to make a market.. -.-"
hmm.. help miss piggy kailee change her blogskin in 1/2 hr. sense of accomplisment. lol.
alright. i do admit im still feeling down from my results. but what to do.
caught the movie "Kingdom of Heaven" yesterday with the usual peepx. quite ok. LONG show though. heartlorn Orlando Bloom.. i still prefer him as a Elf in Lord of the Rings.
Thanks to my kor for treating me movie and keep tryin to cheer me up. =)
Thanks to mr iz for supper treat and fer sendin me home.. =)
thanks to this 2 guys for always pampering me. indeed i am feeling better.
BUT IM DAMN BROKE.. *sobs* =(
some photos taken just now.
my dear mummy, sister and me!
joanne-me-ah bee
me and ah bee
well.. thats all. im going to change my blog skin again~
Happy Mother's Day to all the mother on earth... esp my dear mummy.. =)
Friday, May 06, 2005
from the entry name, you would be able to tell that i wont be studying at SP anymore. no matter what, im out.
first of all, i would really say:
Thanks EVERYONE who showed their concern for me. im really touched. Really~
i was feeling down the whole day yesterday. went to holiday inn and sentosa for interview. Passed~ so im goin to start at sentosa next mon. holiday inn is 2nd priority.
i thought alot about my future. what is going to be my next step in life. this is already the 2nd time im outta poly. but different this time cus im being kicked out.
anyway. thought it over and discussed with my mum. im going to work for this few months and earn my school fees for SIM. i was never interested in IT Dip. all along it was to please my parent's wish for me to get a Diploma no matter what it is. but now, i rather pursue something tt im interested in all along.
Business.. the course i cant get in cus my O lvls was like shyt. so i can onli take the harder and longer route after quittin poly TWICE.
so now that i have straighten out my thoughts. i feel better. much better.
but then again, i will miss those frens i used to have in SP. class 1b/24 as wad i always rem. Faredz, Jufri, Xiang (the 3 musketeers) , Mr Vainpot Clive. and last of all, swee hai my buddy and the 1st person who talked to me in poly. i will always rem tt. gettin abit emo and mushy here eh. but nvm. we still kip in touch wont we peepx ?
crying is over. now gotta buck up. once again. THANKS EVERYONE~
Thursday, May 05, 2005
THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE~!!!
i couldnt damned-it sleep last nite becus i was so nervous about the results coming out at 830am. when my alarm rang, i sprang up n on the comp nervously waiting for my results.
and guess wad i saw..
F for 4 modules out of 5. wads the point of passing my maths when it says :
Not Permitted to continue in the Course.
im going to break down and cry. i really will. i studied so hard for my maths n dig cir. in the end ? D+ for my maths and F for my dig cir ? WTF~
i really have no idea wad to do. quit poly AGAIN ? no other poly will accept me.
im dead.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
well well well. no inspriration to write an entry eh. my entries are usually written in the nite. and so i dont know what to write now.
im going to shang to cash out my last voucher.
and i shall see if there's anything interesting to update.
hopefully tomorrow's interview at km8 will be successful.
i'll be working at holiday inn next week thanks to steven ?
alright. goin to bath now and off to the damned-it place Shangri-La.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
straighten out my thoughts finally. this time better be real. no more going back to the past.
its really time for me to forget this someone. few months back, i was chided for giving my all to him. but nobody could knock any sense into my god damn brain. when you are in love, no matter what others say to you. its all rubbish. you just cant get the point into your mind. but now i have no choice, cause all my waiting and whatever doesnt seems to have any effect on him. im practically wasting myself on him. and closing my eyes and heart to all other options.
BUT now, after thinking alot. i think i was really dumb. i gotta wake up from this dream. a dream that one day he may look back for me. but this dream will never come true from the way i see it now. it will never. everything that i see in his eyes is just the girl he likes. it was never me. all along i was his scandal. im not pitiful. and i dont need any pity.
i will forget him once and for all.
i cant be soft-hearted anymore.
i must not turn back to past anymore.
everything's over.
erase the memory.
God has been very good to me all along. sent me alot of good guys but i never seem to see it.
all humans are just so Fan Jian. they always like those who will not like them and close their eyes to those who love them whole-heartly. im one of those people.
its just too late.
Monday, May 02, 2005
down plus fustrated.
im having the-whole-world-offended-me kind of feeling.
dont ask me why.
i dont feel like saying.
BUT i hate shang.
gotta find another job soon.
im broke.
everything is so fucked up.
i hate the whole world.
everything just irritates the hell outta me!
the kind of sad feeling no longer bothers me that much.
when the reality problems bombards you in one go, you wont have time to think of unrealistic thing like LOVE.
whats love? bullshit lah.. it doesnt exists in my world.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
working at shang is just so damn it fucked up. im so damn it pissed. im so unhappy or should i say VERY unhappy abt someone. but i shant say who but some should already noe who is she. hoh kailee ? noe who le rite. jus wan to say shang SUX. tts all. im too lazy to elaborate on all the bad points of shang. although the ONLY good point is tt i noe alot of my good frens there. tts the only one.
anw. put the stupid issues aside first.
watched Triple XxX yesterday with iz. and i still have the whole movie tix intact. cause when we went in, there was nobody taking the tix from us. 1st time ok.
anw. i was saying this is a very nice action show. Highly Recommended. MUCH MUCH better than Infection(which is practically a CRAP show). next up im going to catch House of Wax. seen the trailer. seems like a nice show. but then again, i dont really want to be fooled again. *trailer that is nice doesnt necessary means that the show will be nice*
To those people who have been looking for me today. sorry. i didnt went missing. but my hp is completely cut which by now MOST should know. so dont have to call me. thanks for your concerns. im ok.
just a li'l pissed. just a lil' angry. just a lil' bored. just a lil' sick. well. maybe not just a lil'.
from the way i see, love is just bullshit. at least it doesnt exist in my world. i dont want to recognise it. i will just pretend that i dont know anything about it. sometimes i start imaging how good would it be if i got selective amnesia or just plain amnesia and just forget everything. yet there is always some good memories i wont want to erase from my mind. so its contradicting. well. you can never totally satisfy a human. so forget it.
*eyes closing* *yawn* *rub eyes*
time to play chess with "Zhou Gong"!
